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Silentstrike's favorite FMLs
by Anon / 06/10/2012 at 12:19am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML
by LaurenB / 06/07/2012 at 2:12pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health
Today, my father-in-law called me an idiot for buying him coffee cake because he can't have caffeine. He refuses to believe that there's as much coffee in coffee cake as there is ham in a hamburger. FML
by 635CSi / 06/06/2012 at 1:23am / United States (California) / Health
by jemila / 05/31/2012 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by gonavybeatarmy / 05/31/2012 at 1:28am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in the hospital with rib injuries after being rear-ended by a truck. The doc said, "Well, you'll probably feel like you've been hit by a truck for a while." Everyone laughed, except me. When I said he was being insensitive, he replied, "Calm down, I'm just ribbing you." FML
by ...... / 05/16/2012 at 6:29pm / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 11:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML
by Class / 05/11/2012 at 7:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML
by wtf is wrong with my country / 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML
by lon01t / 05/07/2012 at 4:43pm / United Kingdom (Falkirk) / Kids
by Steve / 04/28/2012 at 9:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by jessica071509 / 04/24/2012 at 1:42am / United States (Arizona) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML
by fuck / 04/20/2012 at 10:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
by mista_sandy / 04/11/2012 at 12:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I took pills to make sure I lasted longer with my girlfriend. Good news? It worked fine and… Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was… Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I was the love of his life. Afterwards,…