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Silentstrike's favorite FMLs
Today, I was on a plane returning to University, and I decided to shut my eyes. I opened them about 45 minutes later just as the plane landed to find I couldn't move at all. I was in sleep paralysis. The air hostesses had to lift me out of my seat. FML
by Dave / 09/27/2012 at 11:46am / United Kingdom / Health
Today, my estranged mother texted me saying, "Gran died, LOL." My grandmother and I were fairly close, so I was shocked and disgusted. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and asked if she knew what "LOL" meant. She did. FML
by burn in hell / 09/25/2012 at 5:28pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out my friend swapped my girlfriend and probation officer's numbers in my phone. My girlfriend is wondering why I asked her permission to leave the country, and my probation officer said she can't wait to see me again. FML
by Anonymous / 09/02/2012 at 1:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, my clumsiness has reached such legendary proportions in my family, that when I visited my grandparents, I found they'd put stickers all over their glass doors, so I wouldn't have "yet another painful accident". FML
by fuck yuo / 09/01/2012 at 4:50pm / Canada (Newfoundland) / Miscellaneous
by masterman / 08/27/2012 at 2:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/23/2012 at 10:00pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
by thekriss / 08/23/2012 at 4:28pm / Love
by speshlk37 / 08/19/2012 at 10:19pm / United States / Animals
Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML
by Anonymous / 08/18/2012 at 1:15am / United States / Health
Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML
by wow, thanks / 08/17/2012 at 8:39pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by lonelygirl / 08/17/2012 at 7:33pm / United States (Utah) / Animals
by cardsftw / 08/16/2012 at 3:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said "nah, it's just a generic face". FML
by Anonymous / 08/15/2012 at 1:41pm / United States / Love
by youmothERFUCKErs / 08/13/2012 at 1:50pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I invited my girlfriend over to a family lunch, planning to propose to her at just the right moment. My family was in on it, including my apparently disapproving mom, who kept causing a scene to grab my girlfriend's attention every time I went to pull out the ring. FML
by jake / 08/12/2012 at 11:49am / United States (Oregon) / Love