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Silentstrike's favorite FMLs
Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML
by catdog / 01/02/2013 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML
by ELparano / 12/28/2012 at 8:21pm / Canada / Transportation
Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML
by lingling / 12/15/2012 at 7:57pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
by Read The Fine Print / 11/24/2012 at 12:55am / United States (California) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 11/01/2012 at 7:17am / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of) / Miscellaneous
by poorkids / 10/31/2012 at 1:01am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML
by bad samaritan / 10/22/2012 at 11:51pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
by Dino / 10/12/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by jack / 10/08/2012 at 2:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I came home from a three day vacation to find my psycho ex-girlfriend in my house. Even though I broke up with her six months ago, she hasn't broken up with me. It's alright though, she says she's going to forgive me and she already moved her stuff in when I was out of town. FML
by BusinessTurtle / 10/06/2012 at 3:49am / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2012 at 2:22pm / United Kingdom (Wokingham) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by Anna / 10/02/2012 at 1:37pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase being dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate "Who raised you to be such a pig?" Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question. FML
by kira / 10/02/2012 at 6:29am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I helped a man with a neck brace get on the bus. I fell asleep, only to wake up later on to… Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and… Today, I was cuddling in bed with my boyfriend when he started squeezing me as if I were a ketchup…