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Silent_Harmony's favorite FMLs
by bob / 09/11/2011 at 11:15am / United States (New Mexico) / Health
Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML
by leftwardfoil / 08/19/2011 at 2:32am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML
by Anonymous / 04/20/2011 at 3:27am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Animals
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML
by Anonymous / 03/22/2011 at 1:54am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML
by Mr. Sensitive Nips / 03/17/2011 at 6:38pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by lolzboss / 03/07/2011 at 2:04pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 3:04pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy
by gorillalove / 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by yggiz / 08/29/2010 at 1:02am / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML
by ThoroughlyCreepedOut / 03/06/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/20/2010 at 8:59am / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I was having a really bad day and told my friend at lunch about how stressed I was and he gave me his brownie to cheer me up. After school, he texted me "Did the brownies kick in?" Yes, they did, right in the middle of my English presentation. They were "funny" brownies. FML
by englishclasshigh / 09/10/2009 at 5:34pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Kegronauer / 08/23/2009 at 5:35pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
- Today, to get back at me for breaking up with him, my ex-boyfriend thought it would be really funny… Today, while on a six hour flight, someone offered to pay me $20 to swap seats with them. It seemed… Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML