This member hasn't filled in the description.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my Dad sent me an e-mail wishing me a "Happy 21st Birthday, sweetheart!" The message went on and on about how much he loves and misses me and wishes we were closer, and can't believe how fast I'm growing up. I'm 23 and my birthday is in December. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41324) - you deserved it (1734)
On 08/01/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up random names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59550) - you deserved it (12167)
On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)
Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47638) - you deserved it (2095)
On 08/01/2009 at 12:32am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11438) - you deserved it (57983)
On 07/31/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by ohhmydamn (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45753) - you deserved it (2671)
On 07/30/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by Toaster (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49643) - you deserved it (13466)
On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - animals - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32076) - you deserved it (2867)
On 07/30/2009 at 9:56am - kids - by Rae (woman) - United States - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29219) - you deserved it (2162)
On 07/30/2009 at 9:33am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55131) - you deserved it (2325)
On 07/27/2009 at 3:07pm - misc - by webperson04 (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I told my 8 year old daughter that she looks a lot like mommy. Now she won't come out of her room because she thinks she is ugly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42133) - you deserved it (4341)
On 07/26/2009 at 2:58pm - kids - by loserwithlice (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was romantically cuddling with my boyfriend. He looked deep into my eyes, stared lovingly at me, and said, "I never noticed, but you have the most adorable freckles on your face..." Blushing, I tilted my head to the side. He then said, "Oh, never mind, those are just your blackheads." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40077) - you deserved it (5818)
On 07/26/2009 at 12:29am - love - by acnegirl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I found out that my husband made a replica of our family on The Sims 3. I also found out he killed me off a couple weeks ago and made a new wife, KiKi. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51636) - you deserved it (4152)
On 07/26/2009 at 12:28am - love - by nosrepamai82 (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I took the bus to Boston. My bike is in Boston. My bike lock is in Boston. The key is in New York. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11193) - you deserved it (24980)
On 07/25/2009 at 6:17pm - misc - by zinka - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41245) - you deserved it (5255)
On 07/24/2009 at 5:30pm - intimacy - by jcooh0lla (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my little brother texted me informing me that our father has "become a nudist" since returning home from a month-long trip abroad. I thought he was joking or exaggerating, but when I went over to say hi, the first thing I saw upon walking through the door was my dad's droopy ball sac. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44311) - you deserved it (3021)
On 07/24/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by mubaki (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
