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Today, my 5 year old daughter lectured me on my poor parental skills when I suggested that she watch Saturday morning cartoons she used words like "unhealthy, obese, smaller IQ, and uneducational." I'll take that Mother of the Year award now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15523) - you totally deserved it (4044)
On 10/17/2009 at 1:08pm - misc - by ragekat - United States (Washington)
Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2711) - you totally deserved it (119168)
On 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38285) - you totally deserved it (2173)
On 09/01/2009 at 12:48pm - money - by adriana (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, someone broke my car's left side mirror. A friend of mine was buying a replacement one and texted me to confirm which one I needed. He asked: "It's the driver's side, right?" To which I replied: "Right". I got the wrong mirror. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8025) - you totally deserved it (26244)
On 09/01/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3873) - you totally deserved it (39261)
On 09/01/2009 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my landlord asked to borrow my truck to move some furniture. When she returned it, I noticed she had filled the gas tank up. I thanked her for doing so, and she handed me the receipt and said "just add it to next month's rent". FML
I agree, your life sucks (30309) - you totally deserved it (1561)
On 09/01/2009 at 11:07am - money - by overdriven07 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7380) - you totally deserved it (40793)
On 08/29/2009 at 11:13am - love - by coolhand (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML
I agree, your life sucks (29437) - you totally deserved it (5761)
On 08/29/2009 at 12:27am - love - by notenough (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (38523) - you totally deserved it (8700)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks tripped and fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me and the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay and helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24186) - you totally deserved it (7784)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by blinkme (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22946) - you totally deserved it (3516)
On 08/24/2009 at 11:34pm - love - by isoheartcaitlin (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was flirting with this guy that had been forced to be my lab partner for class. He was really funny and attractive, too. In the middle of our conversation he said "You're so cute! You remind me of my boyfriend!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (26947) - you totally deserved it (3992)
On 08/24/2009 at 5:27pm - love - by NotCuteEnough (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was at the laundromat doing my clothes when I noticed a cute guy next to me. I tried to be a ninja and sneak my sock into his basket so I could start a conversation with him. He saw me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4977) - you totally deserved it (41618)
On 08/18/2009 at 4:52pm - misc - by Laundrylady (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (42018) - you totally deserved it (2223)
On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States
Today, I went to get a pedicure for the first time. My feet are VERY ticklish. I reflexively kicked the poor lady in the face, as I wet my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31737) - you totally deserved it (9238)
On 08/18/2009 at 8:35am - misc - by peepeepants (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
