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ShotgunMessiah

Offline (the 12/26/2013 at 10:02pm) | Search for a member

ShotgunMessiah

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 25 December 1983 (30 years)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 1038
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About ShotgunMessiah : I'm boring

ShotgunMessiah's page activity

Visits<b>smallzz993</b> - the 01/26/2014 at 10:26am<b>SauceySarah</b> - the 06/30/2013 at 3:01pm<b>TotallyAradical</b> - the 12/18/2012 at 10:47pm<b>ummmaiight</b> - the 10/19/2011 at 9:11pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:26pm

ShotgunMessiah's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

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ShotgunMessiah's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML

#18003683
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33917) - you deserved it (2398)

On 10/17/2011 at 12:20am - health - by blarp - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my sister had a friend for a sleepover. They filmed a video in which the friend was lying in my bed, singing. An hour after the girl went home, her parents called. She has lice, and had brought them to our house unknowingly. I can see each and every individual larva on my pillow. FML

#18003524
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35715) - you deserved it (2344)

On 10/17/2011 at 12:04am - animals - by minder97 - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I tried to hint to my husband that we needed a new washing machine. I mentioned that we got our current one way back on our wedding day. He replied, "Yeah, and I got you too." FML

#17999890
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25133) - you deserved it (7179) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/16/2011 at 5:08pm - love - by poluxe - France

Today, I was pulled over by the police. The cop was my ex-boyfriend. He had no legitimate reason to pull me over, so he thoroughly checked my car. He gave me a defect notice and a fine. What for? A broken door lock, on my rear passenger door. FML

#17927232
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31167) - you deserved it (3997)

On 10/07/2011 at 11:07am - misc - by jkass - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

#14199055
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (113145) - you deserved it (15264)

On 12/14/2010 at 3:21am - kids - by uglywoman - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of freaking out and explaining on how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was best thus far. FML

#13787466
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48448) - you deserved it (17700)

On 11/10/2010 at 5:28am - health - by youreajoker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

#13756412
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20585) - you deserved it (59707)

On 11/07/2010 at 8:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

#13697892
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56148) - you deserved it (12101)

On 11/03/2010 at 3:27am - misc - by flying13 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

#7773873
415 comments

I agree, your life sucks (108360) - you deserved it (12705)

On 02/01/2010 at 5:23am - misc - by doesnttastegood (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87721) - you deserved it (14667)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

#4630669
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (113254) - you deserved it (8504)

On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States



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