Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

ShotgunMessiah

Search for a member

ShotgunMessiah
  • Town/Country : Manassas, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 25 December 1983 (30 years)
  • Number of visits : 823
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About ShotgunMessiah : I'm boring

ShotgunMessiah's last visitors

smallzz993SauceySarahTotallyAradicalFreeze

ShotgunMessiah's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of ShotgunMessiah's badges

ShotgunMessiah's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML

#18003683
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28903) - you deserved it (1772)

On 10/17/2011 at 12:20am - health - by blarp - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my sister had a friend for a sleepover. They filmed a video in which the friend was lying in my bed, singing. An hour after the girl went home, her parents called. She has lice, and had brought them to our house unknowingly. I can see each and every individual larva on my pillow. FML

#18003524
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32756) - you deserved it (2112)

On 10/17/2011 at 12:04am - animals - by minder97 - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I tried to hint to my husband that we needed a new washing machine. I mentioned that we got our current one way back on our wedding day. He replied, "Yeah, and I got you too." FML

#17999890
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23598) - you deserved it (6960) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/16/2011 at 5:08pm - love - by poluxe - France

Today, I was pulled over by the police. The cop was my ex-boyfriend. He had no legitimate reason to pull me over, so he thoroughly checked my car. He gave me a defect notice and a fine. What for? A broken door lock, on my rear passenger door. FML

#17927232
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29247) - you deserved it (3820)

On 10/07/2011 at 11:07am - misc - by jkass - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

#14199055
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (104431) - you deserved it (14016)

On 12/14/2010 at 3:21am - kids - by uglywoman - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After about minutes of freaking out and explaining on how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was best thus far. FML

#13787466
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43594) - you deserved it (16156)

On 11/10/2010 at 5:28am - health - by youreajoker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

#13756412
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18857) - you deserved it (56867)

On 11/07/2010 at 8:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

#13697892
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53953) - you deserved it (11682)

On 11/03/2010 at 3:27am - misc - by flying13 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

#7773873
409 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101035) - you deserved it (11753)

On 02/01/2010 at 5:23am - misc - by doesnttastegood (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84215) - you deserved it (13912)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

#4630669
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (107751) - you deserved it (8042)

On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: