Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Shmatterhorn

Online | Search for a member

Shmatterhorn

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 13 July 1966 (48 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2995
  • Number of comments : 226
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Shmatterhorn : anime fan, just looking for some fun

Shmatterhorn's page activity

Visits<b>Allegretto</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 2:11pm<b>expertsmilee</b> - the 12/11/2014 at 7:07am<b>Door_Productions</b> - the 12/11/2014 at 3:20am<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 12:20pm<b>JustTemporary</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 3:29pm<b>metalfire10</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 12:23am<b>Ltsdragons</b> - the 11/05/2014 at 12:48am<b>omgpp</b> - the 11/03/2014 at 10:16pm<b>stonedfly3</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 1:29am<b>lammm</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 4:56pm<b>ChristianH39</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 12:09am<b>Enslaved</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 7:29am<b>Mindset</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 7:28am<b>Tobiaspe</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 1:50am<b>Shieldsam</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 1:20pm<b>ervnomyous</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 1:43am<b>KagamineRinny</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 6:59pm<b>cakefete2</b> - the 06/17/2014 at 1:53pm

Shmatterhorn's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Shmatterhorn's badges

Shmatterhorn's favorite FMLs

Today, the man I have been in love with for years came to me with a beautiful ring and a heartfelt proposal. Too bad it ended with an eager, "So do you think he'll say yes?" FML

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, I was stuck in heavy traffic. Bored, I looked to my left and noticed someone who seemed to be asleep at the wheel. After staring for a bit, wondering how people can be so negligent, I ended up hitting the car in front of me. FML

Today, I had a customer write "fuck you" in the tip option area on his credit card slip, I have no idea why. FML

#21212818
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36011) - you deserved it (4665)

On 07/18/2014 at 11:49am - work - by tuck87 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friend found on Tinder the profile of a guy I've been dating and getting quite serious with. I was surprised, not only because he'd told me he didn't do "stuff" like Facebook or Tinder, but because he lied about his job and his surname. Oh, and the fact that he got married in March. FML

#21202569
177 comments

Today, I got written up for drinking on the job by a manager who drinks on the job, who was told to write me up by a general manager who drinks on the job, and we are all employed by an owner who drinks on the job. I haven't had a drink in 3 weeks. FML

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

#21180841
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41901) - you deserved it (9407)

On 06/19/2014 at 4:10pm - work - by fuckmyjob (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML

#21146270
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54149) - you deserved it (4800)

On 05/20/2014 at 1:27pm - misc - by Q - United States

Today, my store manager told me I was fired. I'm not sure what's more insulting - that he'd fire me, or that he forgot I haven't worked there in four months. FML

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

#21107174
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44976) - you deserved it (3150)

On 04/07/2014 at 10:13pm - work - by watch_corn_dance - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went shopping for a wedding dress at a fancy store. The proprietor took one look at me, said they don't have any dresses large enough for me, and asked me to leave. No wonder my self-confidence is in the gutter. FML

Today, my mother-in-law called me every 2 hours, starting at 8pm and stopping at 10am the following morning. She says that since my wife and I are expecting our first child, I should "get used to waking up at all hours." She calls my work phone, which I'm not allowed to switch off. FML

Today, there was a forest fire in my town. I was still forced to go to school, as it was safer. A lot of people decided not to go, and we ended up doing nothing but watching the news reports. There, I got to see my house burning on live TV. FML

#21030359
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67626) - you deserved it (4146)

On 01/16/2014 at 10:42pm - misc - by Fire sucks. (man) - United States

Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: