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Shadowlainx's favorite FMLs
Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML
by tsukinoie / 02/02/2014 at 1:33am / United States / Miscellaneous
by juice723 / 02/01/2014 at 9:07pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML
by Hellosinglelife / 03/28/2013 at 6:35pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Saint George) / Love
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 2:41pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 12:59pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Intimacy
Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 10:40am / Latvia / Miscellaneous
by howaboutno / 03/14/2013 at 5:02am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML
by Anonymous / 03/10/2013 at 6:37pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I'm 5 months pregnant. My 20-year-old boyfriend still refuses to tell his parents because he thinks he'll get in trouble. He thinks we can get away with "never telling them and just hiding the kid." FML
by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 12:42pm / Pakistan / Love
by Anonymous / 03/05/2013 at 1:57pm / United States / Health
by married an old man / 03/05/2013 at 12:57pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Thankshun / 03/04/2013 at 6:03pm / United States / Intimacy
by DEATHBYEX1LE / 03/04/2013 at 12:01am / Australia / Love
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I've been living in Germany for several weeks now. My classmates still cannot pronounce my… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…