Severus_Always

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Offline (the 04/13/2015 at 5:19am)

Severus_Always

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 9807
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Severus_Always's favorite FMLs

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2014 at 1:14am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

by Bandking / 03/17/2014 at 5:48pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had the most intelligent conversation I've ever had with my boyfriend. He was getting really in-depth about subjects like biotechnology and gamma radiation. I soon realized he was only referring to the Incredible Hulk. FML

by cubs44fan / 03/04/2014 at 6:25pm / United States (Indiana) / Geek

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

by Can't Believe It. / 02/03/2014 at 3:11pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2014 at 7:34am / United States / Kids

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

by anonymous / 12/09/2013 at 10:10am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML

by OakStake / 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2013 at 4:37pm / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy

Today, my grandma commented on my Facebook profile picture: "That's a great photo! It doesn't look anything like you!" FML

by oh / 12/06/2013 at 4:20pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out who's been stealing clothes from me during swim practice. She called me a liar, despite wearing one of my sweaters, which has my initials stitched into it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2013 at 3:25pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, playing soccer, I jumped up to make a header and clear the ball away from our goal. I got the ball but some guy kicked me in the face. I was taken off. All the parents were horrified, saying how badly my nose must have broken. Turns out my nose was fine. That's just how my nose looks. FML

by supras / 12/03/2013 at 9:03pm / United Kingdom (Luton) / Health

Today, I got the ending to Breaking Bad spoiled for me by a cashier while I was buying the final season box-set. FML

by nemesis5196523 / 12/03/2013 at 2:45pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got nominated to sit in a chair in the middle of the gym during a high school rally while the entire school got to throw paper balls at me. FML

by reallyhighschool / 12/03/2013 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I held the door for an elderly woman. As she walked through, she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother, and yes, I'm straight. FML

by rick / 12/02/2013 at 4:15pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw my friend's car in front of school. I'd had a bad day and just wanted to talk with her. I got in and sat down, and felt something squish beneath me. Turns out it wasn't actually my friend's car, and I'd just sat on a random woman's cake. FML

by Sherressa / 12/02/2013 at 3:04pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous