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Screwie

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Screwie

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2723
  • Number of comments : 116
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Screwie : Pet me, I'll take you home.

Screwie's page activity

Visits<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 1:54pm<b>ch0sn</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 10:44pm<b>zoepie</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 4:35am<b>DreamBigDollFace</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 4:14am<b>usagi_t</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 2:56am<b>intothestars_</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 7:10pm<b>slayer447</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 2:44pm<b>goalie01</b> - the 04/16/2014 at 3:43am<b>nesteremily</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 5:10am<b>ilcap</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 9:42pm<b>Linebacker74</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 7:30pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 02/05/2014 at 7:38pm<b>lunarjazz</b> - the 02/01/2014 at 3:38am<b>richy90255</b> - the 01/07/2014 at 11:47pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 5:07pm<b>LynxieLynx</b> - the 12/29/2013 at 5:37pm<b>EllaJSwiftie</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 9:50am<b>pnutzmckracken</b> - the 11/11/2013 at 5:12pm

Screwie's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Screwie's badges

Screwie's favorite FMLs

Today, I called my husband and he told me that he was going to invite his friend Jeff over that night. I told him I would prefer that he didn't come over. He took it to mean that I wanted to spend time with him and came home with flowers. Then had to tell him I was leaving him. FML

#1212600
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15363) - you deserved it (142116)

On 04/21/2009 at 11:24pm - love - by kellym (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, just after getting off the phone with a girl I am interested in, I parked on campus and decided to eat my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML

#1187593
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52951) - you deserved it (8632)

On 04/21/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by porkieworkie (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

#960425
683 comments

I agree, your life sucks (697110) - you deserved it (55877)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at QuickTrip. As I was leaving, I passed a woman who was saying "stay" very sternly through her open driver's side door. I smiled as I passed, saying "Your dog wants to follow you huh? I've been there." She glared at me and said "No. That's my son. He's mentally challenged." FML

#628837
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45581) - you deserved it (24116)

On 03/26/2009 at 7:39pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to Hot Topic to look for a poster of my friend's favorite band for her birthday. I found the perfect one, and I grabbed one from the bottom of the shelf that was rolled up into a long box. When she opened it at the restaurant, it was a picture of two naked girls touching each other. FML

#528307
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26872) - you deserved it (58690)

On 03/22/2009 at 10:45am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML

#520285
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90517) - you deserved it (32912)

On 03/21/2009 at 10:38pm - love - by clementine_k (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

#483851
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (135542) - you deserved it (13391)

On 03/20/2009 at 2:11am - intimacy - by firsttimer69 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

#209116
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (233767) - you deserved it (30987)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

#159600
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1149531) - you deserved it (115533)

On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML

#152596
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21525) - you deserved it (61440)

On 02/27/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by LuvShawn (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I played games on Barbie.com and gave up after 10 minutes. They were hard. FML

#14117
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9772) - you deserved it (36585)

On 02/07/2009 at 10:19pm - misc - by lilzoot (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML

#9051
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55163) - you deserved it (8248)

On 02/05/2009 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Barrel - United States (Missouri)

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was tranny-night. FML

#5857
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8757) - you deserved it (44779)

On 02/02/2009 at 11:42pm - money - by bluntedone (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

#4288
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13002) - you deserved it (22219)

On 01/31/2009 at 6:14pm - misc - by joe - United States (California)



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