Screwie

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Offline (the 07/13/2015 at 12:33am)

Screwie

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5193
  • Number of comments : 116
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Screwie : Pet me, I'll take you home.

Screwie's page activity

Visits<b>Participation</b> - the 07/15/2016 at 5:18pm<b>madinphernelia</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 3:47pm<b>Jiratias</b> - the 02/13/2016 at 7:22am<b>nunbunz10</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 1:34am<b>jill97</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 2:47pm<b>angerytat</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 10:55pm<b>Noelletakumi</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 1:33am<b>Envy22</b> - the 10/29/2015 at 9:29pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 6:47am<b>JacobRSE</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 7:27am<b>jshakd642</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 4:05pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 1:40pm<b>soccergirl2016</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 11:10pm<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 3:55pm<b>paskievitchjack</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 10:12am<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 10:47am<b>sisas</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 6:15pm<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 1:54pm

Screwie's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Screwie's badges

Screwie's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the mall and someone peeked their head under the door of my dressing room while I was half dressed. Not knowing who it was, I kicked him in the face just out of instinct. Its was a 4 year old kid looking for his mother. FML

by 4yrldkicker / 07/29/2009 at 4:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, it dawned on me that I've been married for 6 months, but because of the Army I've spent only around 12 days total with my wife. FML

by broooooock / 07/15/2009 at 9:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor confessed to me that he was homophobic and regrets that his family doesnt know it. He spent fifteen minutes explaining how much he would hate to have a gay child. I spent two hours last night convincing his son that it was the right thing to tell his family he was gay. FML

by mook / 07/15/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend's mom pulled me aside and started telling me about how her daughter was extremely depressed and suicidal before she met me, and how happy her family is because of me. I was planning on breaking up with her within the next week. FML

by hungryman / 07/14/2009 at 5:10pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2009 at 10:39pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said "What are you baby-sitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on the giraffe yelling at the top of his lungs. FML

by merkris / 06/29/2009 at 11:41am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

by ILuvYouSoldiers / 06/26/2009 at 3:57am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair. FML

by Anonymous / 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML

by dearme / 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I was getting my first tattoo done. My parents told me it was a bad idea. My friends' parents told me it was a bad idea. I told them that people get tattoos done all the time and nothing goes wrong. 50 min into the tattoo on my back, the artist says "Oh shit, shit, shit. We can fix this." FML

by thats_not_good / 05/28/2009 at 2:15pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML

by Flicker / 05/14/2009 at 3:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend took me to his grandfather's funeral. At the reception, his family members insist on hearing me play piano. After getting positive reactions, I dive into one of my favorites, Rustle of Spring. In 2 seconds everyone bursts into tears. That was Papa's favorite too. FML

by pianokiller / 05/09/2009 at 12:54am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at the bakeshop, I got bored waiting in line so I decided to sit on the glass case protecting cupcakes. Turns out there was no glass. I had to pay $50 to cover all the mess and had to walk out of the bakeshop with icing all over my butt. FML

by kandi / 05/04/2009 at 3:34am / Philippines (Bulacan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2009 at 10:22pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous