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Screwie's favorite FMLs
by ticked / 10/06/2009 at 9:01am / Pakistan (Sindh) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/30/2009 at 5:31am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous
Today, I told my dad that I have a very serious drinking problem and that I need to go to rehab because I can't stop on my own. He told me that I just need to make new friends and suggested I join a sorority. FML
by Anonymous / 09/24/2009 at 10:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I hadn't popped the question to her yet. For the last six months, I have been respectfully trying to convince her over protective father to give me his blessing. FML
by K-9cop / 09/09/2009 at 7:11pm / United States / Love
Today, I went para sailing for the first time ever. My friends thought it would be funny to pull down my trunks right before my feet left the boat. I dangled there in the air for the whole resort to see. And I lost my shorts in the ocean. FML
by no_hullabalo / 09/04/2009 at 10:50am / Taiwan (T'ai-wan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to ride my rusty old bike to work, since it will help the environment. I was standing up and had a tight grip on the handle bars. The handle bars came off and I fell down on the cross bar, busting my nuts. FML
by David / 09/01/2009 at 12:03am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by urmommmm / 08/22/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, after running late for work, my boss called me into his office and asked me why I was wearing a uniform shirt that said Amanda. My name is Rob. Amanda is my fiancé, who works for the same organization at a different location. Employees are prohibited from dating each other. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2009 at 11:14am / United States (Virginia) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/16/2009 at 2:53pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my grandma went to get birthday gifts for my twin sister and me. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you've met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn't this cute? 'cause you're twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML
by twingirl / 08/14/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2009 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a call from my parents' divorce lawyer. When I answered the phone, she thought I was my mother and told me the details about my parent's divorce. I'm a 13-year-old boy who sounds like a woman and just learned that my parents are separating. FML
by madaskueuchiha / 08/07/2009 at 11:57pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, a very good friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said, "Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said, "You've made me the happiest man alive" as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML
by dundundadumb / 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by theregoesmyspermcount / 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, this guy I have been hanging out with for a while came over and we were about to do it. He pulled off my clothes and once I was naked I reached for his zipper. He just backed up and said he was a virgin and simply wanted to see me naked. FML
by Anonymous / 07/31/2009 at 8:56pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- Today, at my oldest sisters wedding she forgot something borrowed. she looked at me and said if I'm… Today, my new guy friend told me that he is madly in love with me. When I suggested "let's give it… Today, I stayed out late to celebrate my last night before going back to school. Though I normally…