About Screwie : Pet me, I'll take you home.
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Screwie's favorite FMLs
by ticked / 10/06/2009 at 9:01am / Pakistan (Sindh) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/30/2009 at 5:31am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous
Today, I told my dad that I have a very serious drinking problem and that I need to go to rehab because I can't stop on my own. He told me that I just need to make new friends and suggested I join a sorority. FML
by Anonymous / 09/24/2009 at 10:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I hadn't popped the question to her yet. For the last six months, I have been respectfully trying to convince her over protective father to give me his blessing. FML
by K-9cop / 09/09/2009 at 7:11pm / United States / Love
Today, I went para sailing for the first time ever. My friends thought it would be funny to pull down my trunks right before my feet left the boat. I dangled there in the air for the whole resort to see. And I lost my shorts in the ocean. FML
by no_hullabalo / 09/04/2009 at 10:50am / Taiwan (T'ai-wan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to ride my rusty old bike to work, since it will help the environment. I was standing up and had a tight grip on the handle bars. The handle bars came off and I fell down on the cross bar, busting my nuts. FML
by David / 09/01/2009 at 12:03am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by urmommmm / 08/22/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, after running late for work, my boss called me into his office and asked me why I was wearing a uniform shirt that said Amanda. My name is Rob. Amanda is my fiancé, who works for the same organization at a different location. Employees are prohibited from dating each other. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2009 at 11:14am / United States (Virginia) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/16/2009 at 2:53pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my grandma went to get birthday gifts for my twin sister and me. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you've met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn't this cute? 'cause you're twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML
by twingirl / 08/14/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2009 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a call from my parents' divorce lawyer. When I answered the phone, she thought I was my mother and told me the details about my parent's divorce. I'm a 13-year-old boy who sounds like a woman and just learned that my parents are separating. FML
by madaskueuchiha / 08/07/2009 at 11:57pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, a very good friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said, "Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said, "You've made me the happiest man alive" as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML
by dundundadumb / 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by theregoesmyspermcount / 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, this guy I have been hanging out with for a while came over and we were about to do it. He pulled off my clothes and once I was naked I reached for his zipper. He just backed up and said he was a virgin and simply wanted to see me naked. FML
by Anonymous / 07/31/2009 at 8:56pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy