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Screwie

Offline (the 07/13/2015 at 12:33am) | Search for a member

Screwie

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4304
  • Number of comments : 116
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Screwie : Pet me, I'll take you home.

Screwie's page activity

Visits<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 6:47am<b>JacobRSE</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 7:27am<b>jshakd642</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 4:05pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 1:40pm<b>soccergirl2016</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 11:10pm<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 3:55pm<b>paskievitchjack</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 10:12am<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 10:47am<b>sisas</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 6:15pm<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 1:54pm<b>ch0sn</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 10:44pm<b>zoepie</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 4:35am<b>usagi_t</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 2:56am<b>intothestars_</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 7:10pm<b>slayer447</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 2:44pm<b>goalie01</b> - the 04/16/2014 at 3:43am<b>nesteremily</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 5:10am<b>ilcap</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 9:42pm

Screwie's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Screwie's badges

Screwie's favorite FMLs

Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML

#5679809
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13020) - you deserved it (42842)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:01am - health - by ticked (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)

Today, I left home to start my new life at University. Saying goodbye to my mother, the last thing she said to me was "Don't turn gay". I'm gay. FML

#5562367
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48538) - you deserved it (10049)

On 09/30/2009 at 5:31am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I told my dad that I have a very serious drinking problem and that I need to go to rehab because I can't stop on my own. He told me that I just need to make new friends and suggested I join a sorority. FML

#5445313
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33869) - you deserved it (6119)

On 09/24/2009 at 10:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I hadn't popped the question to her yet. For the last six months, I have been respectfully trying to convince her over protective father to give me his blessing. FML

#5154166
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41926) - you deserved it (4413)

On 09/09/2009 at 7:11pm - love - by K-9cop (man) - United States

Today, I went para sailing for the first time ever. My friends thought it would be funny to pull down my trunks right before my feet left the boat. I dangled there in the air for the whole resort to see. And I lost my shorts in the ocean. FML

#5039169
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42247) - you deserved it (3173)

On 09/04/2009 at 10:50am - misc - by no_hullabalo (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-wan)

Today, I decided to ride my rusty old bike to work, since it will help the environment. I was standing up and had a tight grip on the handle bars. The handle bars came off and I fell down on the cross bar, busting my nuts. FML

#4967329
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40100) - you deserved it (9510)

On 09/01/2009 at 12:03am - health - by David (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

#4734669
404 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45549) - you deserved it (23302)

On 08/22/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by urmommmm (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after running late for work, my boss called me into his office and asked me why I was wearing a uniform shirt that said Amanda. My name is Rob. Amanda is my fiancé, who works for the same organization at a different location. Employees are prohibited from dating each other. FML

Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was with her. No, let me correct myself. Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was in her. FML

#4574797
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70560) - you deserved it (10596)

On 08/16/2009 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my grandma went to get birthday gifts for my twin sister and me. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you've met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn't this cute? 'cause you're twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML

#4530948
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47533) - you deserved it (3812)

On 08/14/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by twingirl (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

#4421825
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79758) - you deserved it (6911)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from my parents' divorce lawyer. When I answered the phone, she thought I was my mother and told me the details about my parent's divorce. I'm a 13-year-old boy who sounds like a woman and just learned that my parents are separating. FML

#4374791
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61674) - you deserved it (3339)

On 08/07/2009 at 11:57pm - misc - by madaskueuchiha (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a very good friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said, "Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said, "You've made me the happiest man alive" as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML

#4340185
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28502) - you deserved it (101478)

On 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm - love - by dundundadumb (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

#4235904
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66109) - you deserved it (5375)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, this guy I have been hanging out with for a while came over and we were about to do it. He pulled off my clothes and once I was naked I reached for his zipper. He just backed up and said he was a virgin and simply wanted to see me naked. FML

#4191218
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57364) - you deserved it (11620)

On 07/31/2009 at 8:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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