About Screwie : I'm so handsy!
Are you home? We've been looking for you.
About Screwie : I'm so handsy!
Screwie's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
Screwie's favorite FMLs
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 9:20am / Spain (Asturias) / Intimacy
Today, I was bored so I got my little brother's toy spaceship and a teddy bear, went to my room and started flying them around, having dog fights, making explosion noises and humming epic orchestral music. My mom opened my bedroom door, showing our new hot female neighbour around the house. I'm 19. FML
by laughxlove / 08/23/2010 at 12:03am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by dentallycorrect / 08/19/2010 at 1:16am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Mikimiks93 / 07/02/2010 at 11:05am / South Africa (Limpopo) / Transportation
Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML
by junior / 04/11/2010 at 4:11am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I spent the night with my boyfriend as he promised me that his parents and younger brother, who I have yet to meet, were out of town until Tuesday. We were awoken by his mother screaming, telling me that she doesn't want girls in the house corrupting her baby boy. He's 20. FML
by Living_Loving / 03/06/2010 at 8:21pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/02/2010 at 4:16pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my volleyball tournament I was extremely pumped to start playing so I went to take my sweats off and everybody began to stare at me then I looked down to come to realize I had no spandex on, just a thong. FML
by volleyballgirl / 02/27/2010 at 8:11pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by notasgood / 01/12/2010 at 6:54pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Fran / 01/09/2010 at 3:40am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2009 at 3:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by barri / 12/16/2009 at 2:28am / Costa Rica (San Jose) / Miscellaneous
Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting my younger brother while my parents were away. I turned my back on my brother for one minute and then I heard a huge crash from their room. He had somehow destroyed a family heirloom and 200 year old clock. FML
by Rhianna / 11/21/2009 at 11:05pm / Australia (South Australia) / Kids
- Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing 'never have I ever.' My girlfriend's… Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were… Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who…