About Screwie : Pet me, I'll take you home.
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Screwie's favorite FMLs
by anonymous / 05/25/2011 at 10:33am / Singapore / Transportation
by Diesel / 05/03/2011 at 10:23am / Belgium (Luxembourg) / Transportation
Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML
by kingpin7 / 03/30/2011 at 12:43am / United States / Intimacy
by dickface / 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I have no cell phone reception as I am visiting family who lives on the side of a mountain. They told me there was service on top of the mountain, so I hiked up. Only when I got there did I realize I'd left my phone back down at the house. FML
by nooooo / 03/16/2011 at 9:25pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Albert06 / 03/14/2011 at 5:26pm / France / Love
Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML
by Annie / 02/24/2011 at 1:39am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
by howler / 02/15/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I asked my ex-boyfriend how things were going since our breakup. We broke up because he admitted he was questioning his sexuality, and wanted to play for the other team. He took the conversation as an opportunity to talk about his new, amazing girlfriend. FML
by poop / 02/06/2011 at 1:26pm / United States (New York) / Love
by dancer101 / 02/04/2011 at 10:01am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 12:42am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML
by bleurghh / 12/31/2010 at 10:06am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Love
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 9:20am / Spain (Asturias) / Intimacy
Today, I was bored so I got my little brother's toy spaceship and a teddy bear, went to my room and started flying them around, having dog fights, making explosion noises and humming epic orchestral music. My mom opened my bedroom door, showing our new hot female neighbour around the house. I'm 19. FML
by laughxlove / 08/23/2010 at 12:03am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids