About Screwie : I wanna take you home - I hope I don't scare you off.
50 quality responses
Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, I have no cell phone reception as I am visiting family who lives on the side of a mountain. They told me there was service on top of the mountain, so I hiked up. Only when I got there did I realize I'd left my phone back down at the house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9319) - you deserved it (29798)
On 03/16/2011 at 9:25pm - misc - by nooooo (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (88743) - you deserved it (4719) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10424) - you deserved it (22932)
On 02/24/2011 at 1:39am - kids - by Annie (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my mother walked in on me rubbing $400 in $20 bills all over myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7558) - you deserved it (45294)
On 02/15/2011 at 1:44am - intimacy - by howler (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I asked my ex-boyfriend how things were going since our breakup. We broke up because he admitted he was questioning his sexuality, and wanted to play for the other team. He took the conversation as an opportunity to talk about his new, amazing girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25183) - you deserved it (3268)
On 02/06/2011 at 1:26pm - love - by poop (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I met my daughter's boyfriend, who she hopes to marry. I asked what he does, to which he answered, "I'm a Flamencologist." Flamencology? The study of Flamenco? Huh? FML
I agree, your life sucks (17620) - you deserved it (5104)
On 02/04/2011 at 10:01am - kids - by dancer101 (woman) - United States
Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59857) - you deserved it (5174)
On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19850) - you deserved it (6071)
On 12/31/2010 at 10:06am - love - by bleurghh (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28882) - you deserved it (16268)
On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)
Today, I was bored so I got my little brother's toy spaceship and a teddy bear, went to my room and started flying them around, having dog fights, making explosion noises and humming epic orchestral music. My mom opened my bedroom door, showing our new hot female neighbour around the house. I'm 19. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9601) - you deserved it (24046)
On 09/26/2010 at 12:10am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version
Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6481) - you deserved it (19685)
On 08/23/2010 at 12:03am - kids - by laughxlove - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24562) - you deserved it (3593)
On 08/19/2010 at 1:16am - misc - by dentallycorrect - United States (Illinois)
Today, while driving on a totally deserted, long, straight road in the middle of the bush, I sneezed and drove right into a pole on the side of the road. It was the only pole for over 50 km. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28519) - you deserved it (5285)
On 07/02/2010 at 11:05am - misc - by Mikimiks93 (woman) - South Africa (Limpopo)
Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14287) - you deserved it (30768)
On 04/11/2010 at 4:11am - intimacy - by junior - United States (Arizona)
Today, I spent the night with my boyfriend as he promised me that his parents and younger brother, who I have yet to meet, were out of town until Tuesday. We were awoken by his mother screaming, telling me that she doesn't want girls in the house corrupting her baby boy. He's 20. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18178) - you deserved it (2636)
On 03/06/2010 at 8:21pm - love - by Living_Loving (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Monday 20 May 2013
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