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Screwie

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Screwie
  • Town/Country : Scandal, US
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2076
  • Number of comments : 116
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Screwie : Pet me, I'll take you home.

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Screwie's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Screwie's favorite FMLs

Today, I inexplicably claimed ownership of someone else's fart in the subway. FML

#16341227
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8546) - you deserved it (30182)

On 05/25/2011 at 10:33am - misc - by anonymous - Singapore

Today, my motorcycle was stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, the thief drove past me. Twice. FML

#16030983
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36652) - you deserved it (4010)

On 05/03/2011 at 10:23am - misc - by Diesel (man) - Belgium (Luxembourg)

Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML

#15555726
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32486) - you deserved it (7714)

On 03/30/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by kingpin7 - United States

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

#15532710
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52825) - you deserved it (26717)

On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I have no cell phone reception as I am visiting family who lives on the side of a mountain. They told me there was service on top of the mountain, so I hiked up. Only when I got there did I realize I'd left my phone back down at the house. FML

#15342486
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10804) - you deserved it (38969)

On 03/16/2011 at 9:25pm - misc - by nooooo (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

#15309756
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99615) - you deserved it (5896) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/14/2011 at 5:26pm - love - by Albert06 - France

Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML

#15098216
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11083) - you deserved it (27484)

On 02/24/2011 at 1:39am - kids - by Annie (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my mother walked in on me rubbing $400 in $20 bills all over myself. FML

#14985467
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9241) - you deserved it (56326)

On 02/15/2011 at 1:44am - intimacy - by howler (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I asked my ex-boyfriend how things were going since our breakup. We broke up because he admitted he was questioning his sexuality, and wanted to play for the other team. He took the conversation as an opportunity to talk about his new, amazing girlfriend. FML

#14867173
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29228) - you deserved it (4012)

On 02/06/2011 at 1:26pm - love - by poop (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I met my daughter's boyfriend, who she hopes to marry. I asked what he does, to which he answered, "I'm a Flamencologist." Flamencology? The study of Flamenco? Huh? FML

#14838369
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18120) - you deserved it (5145)

On 02/04/2011 at 10:01am - kids - by dancer101 (woman) - United States

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

#14835077
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67084) - you deserved it (6317)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML

#14407815
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23870) - you deserved it (7672)

On 12/31/2010 at 10:06am - love - by bleurghh (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

#13432324
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32668) - you deserved it (19792)

On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)

Today, I was bored so I got my little brother's toy spaceship and a teddy bear, went to my room and started flying them around, having dog fights, making explosion noises and humming epic orchestral music. My mom opened my bedroom door, showing our new hot female neighbour around the house. I'm 19. FML

#13203283
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11979) - you deserved it (32087)

On 09/26/2010 at 12:10am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML

#12693106
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7234) - you deserved it (25248)

On 08/23/2010 at 12:03am - kids - by laughxlove - United States (New Jersey)



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