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Screwie

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Screwie
  • Town/Country : Scandal, US
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2077
  • Number of comments : 116
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Screwie : Pet me, I'll take you home.

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Screwie's FML badges

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You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Screwie's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

#18329759
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25960) - you deserved it (4170)

On 11/23/2011 at 6:54pm - health - by chunkymonkey (woman) -

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

#18217902
375 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17001) - you deserved it (73802)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:53am - intimacy - by dumbassbuffet (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I'd just finished feeding my parrot and sweeping all the seeds under the cage. As I was walking away, my parrot whistled. I turned around to see him get up onto the food dish, pick up a clawful of food and toss it on the floor. FML

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28076) - you deserved it (8451)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

#17727595
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80470) - you deserved it (11875)

On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

#17513277
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23332) - you deserved it (9488)

On 08/18/2011 at 8:59pm - health - by kaitylait (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML

#17477307
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24786) - you deserved it (5117)

On 08/15/2011 at 2:23am - animals - by Mumbling Mutt101 (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML

#17233282
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50467) - you deserved it (6023)

On 07/23/2011 at 8:09pm - misc - by assante2010 - United States (Maine)

Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML

#17233165
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39296) - you deserved it (5244) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/23/2011 at 7:52pm - love - by mathii - Sent from mobile version

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

#17182524
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30720) - you deserved it (6744)

On 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML

#17039941
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42827) - you deserved it (9390)

On 07/09/2011 at 11:19am - love - by Beanzbeanz - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML

#17032745
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8563) - you deserved it (58551) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/08/2011 at 8:11pm - love - by Anonyme - Sent from mobile version

Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML

#16848104
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28346) - you deserved it (4571)

On 06/25/2011 at 10:21am - misc - by woahheylex - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

#16580988
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11535) - you deserved it (43091)

On 06/09/2011 at 4:32pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML

#16418676
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31177) - you deserved it (14386)

On 05/30/2011 at 2:14pm - misc - by OopsKid (man) - France



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