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Screwie

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Screwie

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3553
  • Number of comments : 116
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Screwie : Pet me, I'll take you home.

Screwie's page activity

Visits<b>soccergirl2016</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 11:10pm<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 3:55pm<b>paskievitchjack</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 10:12am<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 10:47am<b>sisas</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 6:15pm<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 1:54pm<b>ch0sn</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 10:44pm<b>zoepie</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 4:35am<b>usagi_t</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 2:56am<b>intothestars_</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 7:10pm<b>slayer447</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 2:44pm<b>goalie01</b> - the 04/16/2014 at 3:43am<b>nesteremily</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 5:10am<b>ilcap</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 9:42pm<b>Linebacker74</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 7:30pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 02/05/2014 at 7:38pm<b>lunarjazz</b> - the 02/01/2014 at 3:38am<b>richy90255</b> - the 01/07/2014 at 11:47pm

Screwie's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Screwie's badges

Screwie's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

#18329759
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32328) - you deserved it (5692)

On 11/23/2011 at 6:54pm - health - by chunkymonkey (woman) -

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

#18217902
380 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18438) - you deserved it (77626)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:53am - intimacy - by dumbassbuffet (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I'd just finished feeding my parrot and sweeping all the seeds under the cage. As I was walking away, my parrot whistled. I turned around to see him get up onto the food dish, pick up a clawful of food and toss it on the floor. FML

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32950) - you deserved it (9233)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

#17727595
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85673) - you deserved it (13143)

On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

#17513277
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26168) - you deserved it (9993)

On 08/18/2011 at 8:59pm - health - by kaitylait (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML

#17477307
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26758) - you deserved it (5339)

On 08/15/2011 at 2:23am - animals - by Mumbling Mutt101 (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML

#17233282
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52136) - you deserved it (6199)

On 07/23/2011 at 8:09pm - misc - by assante2010 - United States (Maine)

Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML

#17233165
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42946) - you deserved it (5604) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/23/2011 at 7:52pm - love - by mathii - Sent from mobile version

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

#17182524
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35401) - you deserved it (7307)

On 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML

#17039941
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45402) - you deserved it (9715)

On 07/09/2011 at 11:19am - love - by Beanzbeanz - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML

#17032745
377 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11224) - you deserved it (77799) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/08/2011 at 8:11pm - love - by Anonyme - Sent from mobile version

Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML

#16848104
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32455) - you deserved it (4957)

On 06/25/2011 at 10:21am - misc - by woahheylex - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

#16580988
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13190) - you deserved it (46161)

On 06/09/2011 at 4:32pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML

#16418676
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33298) - you deserved it (15056)

On 05/30/2011 at 2:14pm - misc - by OopsKid (man) - France



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