Screwie

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Offline (the 07/13/2015 at 12:33am)

Screwie

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4872
  • Number of comments : 116
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Screwie : Pet me, I'll take you home.

Screwie's page activity

Visits<b>Jiratias</b> - the 02/13/2016 at 7:22am<b>nunbunz10</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 1:34am<b>jill97</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 2:47pm<b>angerytat</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 10:55pm<b>Noelletakumi</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 1:33am<b>Envy22</b> - the 10/29/2015 at 9:29pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 6:47am<b>JacobRSE</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 7:27am<b>jshakd642</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 4:05pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 1:40pm<b>soccergirl2016</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 11:10pm<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 3:55pm<b>paskievitchjack</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 10:12am<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 10:47am<b>sisas</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 6:15pm<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 1:54pm<b>ch0sn</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 10:44pm<b>zoepie</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 4:35am

Screwie's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Screwie's badges

Screwie's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

by chunkymonkey / 11/23/2011 at 6:54pm / Health

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

by dumbassbuffet / 11/11/2011 at 10:53am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy

Today, I'd just finished feeding my parrot and sweeping all the seeds under the cage. As I was walking away, my parrot whistled. I turned around to see him get up onto the food dish, pick up a clawful of food and toss it on the floor. FML

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

by TraumatizedMother / 10/02/2011 at 3:27am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

by IbetIgotAIDS / 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

by kaitylait / 08/18/2011 at 8:59pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Health

Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML

by Mumbling Mutt101 / 08/15/2011 at 2:23am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals

Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML

by assante2010 / 07/23/2011 at 8:09pm / United States (Maine) / Love

Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML

by mathii / 07/23/2011 at 7:52pm / Health

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML

by Beanzbeanz / 07/09/2011 at 11:19am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML

by Anonyme / 07/08/2011 at 8:11pm / Love

Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML

by woahheylex / 06/25/2011 at 10:21am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2011 at 4:32pm / United States (New Mexico) / Animals

Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML

by OopsKid / 05/30/2011 at 2:14pm / France / Miscellaneous