About Screwie : I wanna take you home - I hope I don't scare you off.
50 quality responses
Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71577) - you deserved it (9138)
On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20214) - you deserved it (7462)
On 08/18/2011 at 8:59pm - health - by kaitylait (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20342) - you deserved it (3837)
On 08/15/2011 at 2:23am - animals - by Mumbling Mutt101 (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45933) - you deserved it (5586)
On 07/23/2011 at 8:09pm - misc - by assante2010 - United States (Maine)
Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (35260) - you deserved it (4177) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 07/23/2011 at 7:52pm - love - by mathii - Sent from mobile version
Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28128) - you deserved it (6460)
On 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39355) - you deserved it (7732)
On 07/09/2011 at 11:19am - love - by Beanzbeanz - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8431) - you deserved it (57396) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 07/08/2011 at 8:11pm - love - by Anonyme - Sent from mobile version
Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25524) - you deserved it (3689)
On 06/25/2011 at 10:21am - misc - by woahheylex - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10293) - you deserved it (34289)
On 06/09/2011 at 4:32pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28522) - you deserved it (13487)
Today, I inexplicably claimed ownership of someone else's fart in the subway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7734) - you deserved it (23416)
Today, my motorcycle was stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, the thief drove past me. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32086) - you deserved it (3129)
On 05/03/2011 at 10:23am - misc - by Diesel (man) - Belgium (Luxembourg)
Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31812) - you deserved it (7657)
On 03/30/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by kingpin7 - United States
Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47498) - you deserved it (21369)
On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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