About Screwie : Pet me, I'll take you home.
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Screwie's favorite FMLs
Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML
by Flip / 05/02/2012 at 1:06am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love
Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML
by bibou2324 / 04/18/2012 at 4:41pm / Work
Today, I tried to be kind to animals and get my dad to buy cage-free eggs. When I told him it was dollar more, he started yelling and making a scene in the middle of the store, saying that chickens are ugly and they deserve to suffer. FML
by ilovechickens / 04/14/2012 at 11:46pm / United States / Animals
Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by thammer / 03/24/2012 at 9:20am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
by Brian / 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
by PUA / 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by weep weep weep / 03/11/2012 at 11:04pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
by virginkiller / 03/03/2012 at 8:23am / Singapore / Intimacy
by joy / 02/07/2012 at 12:49pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML
by Shelly P. / 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by shellie / 01/13/2012 at 2:48am / Reserved / Health
by britanyann / 01/05/2012 at 10:45pm / United States / Animals
by Oja1 / 12/15/2011 at 11:26pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous
by notsohappilyeverafter / 11/26/2011 at 4:54pm / United States (California) / Love