About Screwie : I wanna take you home - I hope I don't scare you off.
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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Today, at my grandmother's funeral there was a fight about inheritance. It was my teenage daughters arguing about what they get when I die. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18727) - you deserved it (1802)
On 03/24/2012 at 9:20am - kids - by thammer - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21772) - you deserved it (3941)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25629) - you deserved it (4303)
On 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by PUA - United States (Georgia)
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16318) - you deserved it (2317)
On 03/11/2012 at 11:04pm - animals - by weep weep weep (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my girlfriend revealed to me that she has primeisodophobia. What is primeisodophobia, you may ask? Well, it's the fear of losing your virginity. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24717) - you deserved it (3419)
On 03/03/2012 at 8:23am - intimacy - by virginkiller (man) - Singapore
Today, while I was going to the bathroom, my engagement ring fell off into the toilet, which then automatically flushed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26594) - you deserved it (3216)
On 02/07/2012 at 12:49pm - misc - by joy - United States
Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27616) - you deserved it (2158)
On 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm - love - by Shelly P. (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I went to the gynecologist for the first time. I was so nervous that when she extended her hand to shake mine, I gave her my handbag instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17248) - you deserved it (2616)
Today, I had to explain to my 25-year-old boyfriend why we cannot get pet raccoons. This is not the first time we have had this conversation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17868) - you deserved it (709)
On 01/05/2012 at 10:45pm - animals - by britanyann (woman) - United States
Today, my mother sold my extensive Star Wars collection, and I cried when I found out. I'm 46. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22641) - you deserved it (18595)
On 12/15/2011 at 11:26pm - misc - by Oja1 - United States (Montana)
Today, my boyfriend dropped by my work to break up with me. I had to go the rest of my shift with a smile, fighting back tears. I work as the Cinderella at Disney Land. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58502) - you deserved it (2790)
On 11/26/2011 at 4:54pm - love - by notsohappilyeverafter - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25408) - you deserved it (4126)
On 11/23/2011 at 6:54pm - health - by chunkymonkey (woman) -
Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14817) - you deserved it (57594)
On 11/11/2011 at 10:53am - intimacy - by dumbassbuffet (man) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I'd just finished feeding my parrot and sweeping all the seeds under the cage. As I was walking away, my parrot whistled. I turned around to see him get up onto the food dish, pick up a clawful of food and toss it on the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19538) - you deserved it (3048)
On 10/06/2011 at 6:20am - misc - by kemando - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27485) - you deserved it (8383)
On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)
Monday 17 June 2013
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