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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5998
  • Number of comments : 122
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Screwie : I'm so handsy!
Are you home? We've been looking for you.

Screwie's page activity

Visits<b>GarfieldDaCat</b> - the 10/21/2016 at 4:02am<b>beatlesfan117</b> - the 10/19/2016 at 6:16am<b>ellabellaboom</b> - the 10/16/2016 at 1:59am<b>SoulEaterSE</b> - the 10/15/2016 at 9:38am<b>claudiajean</b> - the 10/05/2016 at 10:36pm<b>MetalxSoldier</b> - the 10/05/2016 at 4:17am<b>vhsjulia</b> - the 10/05/2016 at 4:10am<b>Participation</b> - the 09/27/2016 at 12:28am<b>kowsee</b> - the 09/19/2016 at 10:59pm<b>French_giirl</b> - the 09/02/2016 at 6:04pm<b>ER1C</b> - the 08/22/2016 at 1:38pm<b>MoDDbest</b> - the 07/29/2016 at 8:36am<b>madinphernelia</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 3:47pm<b>Jiratias</b> - the 02/13/2016 at 7:22am<b>nunbunz10</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 1:34am<b>jill97</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 2:47pm<b>angerytat</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 10:55pm<b>Noelletakumi</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 1:33am

Screwie's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of Screwie's badges

Screwie's favorite FMLs

Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML

by Sherry / 07/11/2012 at 9:29am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, my boss asked me if he could pay me in gum. Thinking he was playing around, I agreed. He wasn't playing around. FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2012 at 1:29am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML

by FauteuilEver Alone / 07/05/2012 at 4:11am / France / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad was driving me home and was angrily explaining how my boyfriend was a bad influence and that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd. After finally convincing him to give him another chance, we stopped at a traffic light just in time to see my boyfriend being chased by police. FML

by Jenna / 07/03/2012 at 7:20pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Love

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

by audreyav / 06/30/2012 at 4:10am / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, I realized just how much of a bitch I am when I grounded my son for not telling me what he got me for my birthday. FML

by MeanMother / 06/28/2012 at 4:29pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML

by Az / 06/12/2012 at 8:24pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I proudly told my elitist dad that I now have a beautiful girlfriend. He didn't believe me, so I showed him her Facebook. He demanded that I stop seeing her, saying that the duck-facing in her avatar was the hallmark of "a lower form of being" who would only ever shame our family. FML

by idontgetit / 06/12/2012 at 7:39pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2012 at 3:01pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2012 at 7:18am / United States / Kids

Today, after a long night of partying, I fell asleep, while my bride was delivering her vows. FML

by UnluckyGroom / 06/09/2012 at 7:04pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2012 at 10:36pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

by Scared / 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

by whattheheck / 06/04/2012 at 12:34am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous