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About Sawabear : Hi! My name is Theta, but you can call me Doctor. Now you may ask yourself, "Doctor Who?" And let me tell you, I never get tired of hearing that. I live inside a device called the TARDIS which stands for... Well, it's my timey-wimey detector. I can travel through all if time an space. I'm originally from Gallifrey, my home planet. My best friend is the Master, but I lost him in the Time War. Those damn Daleks had to ruin everything. I was in love with the Master... And they took him away from me. But anyhow. I have two hearts, and a fob watch that contains a human soul. It allows me to become a human when I am in danger as a Timelord. I'm in my tenth regeneration, and I hope to stay this way for a while. I'm 900 years old, aaaaaaaand..... Oh yeah! I can take you anywhere you want to go. Anywhere. Travel with me! Be my companion. I have a key to the TARDIS... But that's only for full time companions... But if you wish to come along... Allons-y!
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Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML
Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML
Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction and got off as fast as he got on. FML
Today, a homeless lady decided she needed to change underwear in the middle of the sidewalk. I turned around just in time to see her legs in the air with no undies on. I can never eat salami again. FML
Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML
Today, I heard that my ex-girlfriend was spreading scurrilous rumours about me all over our university. It appears that I distribute white supremacist propaganda, and that my sexual fantasies involve animals and vegetation. FML
Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML
Friday 19 December 2014