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Sandy300073's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 3:25am / United States (Connecticut) / Animals
Today, I was working in a restaurant. I stopped to pick up some silverware a customer dropped. Apparently my belt wasn't tight enough because a woman behind me immediately hurled in disgust. On top of being found revolting, I'm now in trouble for "flashing" someone. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 1:45am / United States / Work
Today, I fed my cats their usual dinner of canned cat food. Without thinking, I put the spoon I had used for their food into my mouth so I could use both hands to rinse the can before recycling it. FML
by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 10:18pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals
by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 9:35pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health
by curlyisnogood / 01/09/2011 at 7:19pm / Health
by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 1:47pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous
by S / 01/09/2011 at 5:18am / Singapore / Intimacy
Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML
by hotmommy / 12/19/2010 at 7:23pm / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/17/2010 at 8:28pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML
by Anonymous / 12/17/2010 at 12:08pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, while in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand. He was quoting verses from the bible. I was in a cubicle and he was at the urinal. I was too frightened to leave. This went on for a very long time. FML
by biblewanker / 12/17/2010 at 11:05am / Australia / Intimacy
by Olive14 / 12/16/2010 at 3:03pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I went to feed my neighbor's cat while he was out of town. The cat was sick, so part of my job was to give it a pill each time I came. Cats don't like swallowing pills. My neighbor forgot to mention that his cat wasn't declawed. I was wearing shorts. FML
by anonymous / 12/14/2010 at 6:52am / United States / Health
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML
by shit / 12/14/2010 at 4:26am / United States (Colorado) / Health
by uglywoman / 12/14/2010 at 3:21am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids