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Sandy300073's favorite FMLs
Today, I called the car repair shop to complain to the manager about their tow driver who keeps making sexual passes at me. The girl taking my call started crying and said that their driver was her husband. I'm being sexually harassed, my car is dead, and I think I just ended a marriage. FML
by WhyMe / 03/20/2011 at 1:42pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML
by parenting_failure / 03/20/2011 at 12:10pm / Kids
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
by Anonymous / 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML
by Mr. Sensitive Nips / 03/17/2011 at 6:38pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Spooked / 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me. Instead of waiting for a urinal to free up, he wedged his way in between me and another guy, and promptly began peeing in my urinal, crossing streams in the process. FML
by devinbyrne / 03/05/2011 at 3:26pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML
by Sam / 02/27/2011 at 4:42pm / United States (Wyoming) / Intimacy
Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML
by Fucked / 01/24/2011 at 5:47pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by Limalia / 01/24/2011 at 4:00pm / Switzerland (Zurich) / Intimacy
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm / France / Intimacy
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Intimacy
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Intimacy
Today, I was on a plane. When my flight attendant brought me my drink, it had a lid and a straw. He told me, very seriously, "not to spill." No one else got a lid. I'm 18, and apparently I look spill-prone. FML
by thisisme / 01/16/2011 at 8:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
Today, I'm 19 years old and, having never been on a date, I agreed to let my friend set me up. He was adorable, young, with blond hair and blue eyes...and 4 years old. My friend tricked me into babysitting. FML
by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Arkansas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 12:11am / United States (Minnesota) / Health
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,…