About SailorSTFU : AH HA! You looked at my profile! That means you must now talk to meeeee! Because I'm bored....so yes...talk to meeee!!!! Or not. I don't care.
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Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19655) - you deserved it (1884)
On 11/21/2012 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Dead_Fox (man) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20037) - you deserved it (10276)
On 11/19/2012 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14578) - you deserved it (1245)
On 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23444) - you deserved it (3246)
On 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by wow babe - United States (Maryland)
Today, I put on a shirt that said "skilled in every position." My boyfriend took one look and said, "since when?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (7654) - you deserved it (21478)
On 11/18/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23953) - you deserved it (2165)
On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17749) - you deserved it (3360)
On 11/13/2012 at 6:17pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13848) - you deserved it (1274)
On 11/13/2012 at 5:00am - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)
Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12977) - you deserved it (945)
On 11/12/2012 at 12:25am - health - by KtSue - United States
Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17267) - you deserved it (2926)
On 10/30/2012 at 10:27am - misc - by Obi1Shinobi - United States
Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5994) - you deserved it (8039)
On 10/29/2012 at 6:39pm - misc - by IndianAngel96 - United States (Texas)
Today, I saw a man lying face down in a field and thinking he was injured, I ran over to help. As soon as I got to him, I realized he was completely naked. He stood up and chased after me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19886) - you deserved it (1766)
On 10/24/2012 at 7:14am - misc - by bill - United States (Maryland)
Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24499) - you deserved it (3969)
On 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27393) - you deserved it (8831)
On 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by Unfortunate (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23772) - you deserved it (5588)
On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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