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Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (140801) - you deserved it (32147)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML
I agree, your life sucks (128468) - you deserved it (16252)
On 05/02/2009 at 12:56am - health - by Sick (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (123008) - you deserved it (8042)
On 04/29/2009 at 11:47am - intimacy - by fingerfuckd (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (381789) - you deserved it (21586)
On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (128889) - you deserved it (6535)
On 04/17/2009 at 9:19pm - intimacy - by gringa_Peru (woman) - Peru (Lima)
Today, my mom asked if she could use my red dress for her two-week trip to the Caribbean. I said no, because I was going to a party and I wanted to wear it. She called me a selfish, greedy bitch who would stay single forever. I paid for her plane ticket, her hotel fees and her cruise ship fee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (144761) - you deserved it (8111)
On 04/14/2009 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, my girlfriend of 8 years dumped me. When I asked if there was another guy, she responded, "You were the other guy". FML
I agree, your life sucks (121638) - you deserved it (8223)
On 04/13/2009 at 1:39pm - love - by blaise (man) - United States (New York)
Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML
I agree, your life sucks (215251) - you deserved it (26926)
On 04/10/2009 at 5:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out hes my cousin: priceless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (148589) - you deserved it (46702)
On 04/10/2009 at 2:42pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML
I agree, your life sucks (227649) - you deserved it (13768)
On 04/04/2009 at 2:15pm - intimacy - by GuitarChick42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (126795) - you deserved it (18202)
On 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (190336) - you deserved it (16660)
On 04/02/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (199562) - you deserved it (58873)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (108742) - you deserved it (10310)
On 03/31/2009 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (364462) - you deserved it (20244)
On 03/28/2009 at 4:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
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