About Ryan_Jaxson : Ah well I'm just an average guy, what else can I say?
I do play the guitar. ;)
Why am I up so early?
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Today, my loyalty and regularity at my local pizza place were noticed. The delivery guy, when bringing yet another order, asked me if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were living with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21499) - you deserved it (7534) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/31/2013 at 7:26am - misc - by heallven - Sent from mobile version
Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34420) - you deserved it (5416)
On 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm - love - by Bella (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, it's my sixth day taking care of my family's seven animals while my parents are in Singapore. So far, I've emergency-called the vet twice, taken a dog to the vet once, and cleaned up liquid dog shit five times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16573) - you deserved it (1939)
On 12/09/2012 at 8:18am - animals - by KennyDidIt - United States (Alabama)
Today, Muse cancelled their upcoming show in Oslo. I bought my sold-out tickets on the black market for double the retail price, and have no way of getting my money back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8292) - you deserved it (24169)
On 11/29/2012 at 4:12pm - misc - by faen (man) - Norway (Sogn og Fjordane)
Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22373) - you deserved it (3168)
On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21978) - you deserved it (973)
On 10/22/2012 at 12:07am - work - by Lunazel93 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4154) - you deserved it (36317)
On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, I snuck out to go see my girlfriend. When I got to her house, I left my bike out front and we went on a nice walk around the block. We passed a homeless-looking woman going the opposite way. About ten minutes later, the same woman passed us, on my bike. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13405) - you deserved it (6783)
On 09/09/2012 at 1:38am - misc - by crabmunch15 - United States (California)
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25991) - you deserved it (7648)
On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)
Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19644) - you deserved it (13685)
On 11/23/2011 at 11:48am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, I noticed this guy crying in the park. I went up to him to see what was wrong. Apparently his girlfriend broke up with him, and he also said he wanted to kill himself. My first response was "Don't, you'll regret it later in life". FML
I agree, your life sucks (25053) - you deserved it (9189)
On 04/21/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by alopez1994 -
Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27258) - you deserved it (6904)
On 11/22/2010 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by painfulintercourse - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58577) - you deserved it (3714)
On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, while I was taking a break at work, someone stole my iPod from my desk. I work in a police station. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59856) - you deserved it (5852)
On 06/06/2009 at 7:18am - work - by foretwintie (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63056) - you deserved it (10108)
On 05/31/2009 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by fmeplease (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)
Monday 17 June 2013
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