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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16547) - you deserved it (1956)
On 11/09/2012 at 7:30pm - kids - by john r.t. (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19235) - you deserved it (4485)
On 04/04/2012 at 5:11pm - intimacy - by KatieB (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)
Today, for my birthday, instead of a cake, my friends surprised me with a castle mainly made out of bacon. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I fucking hate bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18423) - you deserved it (32081)
On 10/26/2011 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9004) - you deserved it (29768)
On 10/12/2011 at 8:37am - kids - by John W. (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23457) - you deserved it (2701)
On 08/05/2011 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by moonstone15 (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my younger brother and I got into a fight over who the favorite child is. My mom overheard, came in the living room and said, "It's your little brother, now shut up." She was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28944) - you deserved it (4861)
On 07/29/2011 at 7:36pm - kids - by Username - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30024) - you deserved it (7153)
On 07/29/2011 at 3:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33974) - you deserved it (3821)
On 07/16/2011 at 9:28am - kids - by Rejected (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that sperm kills acne, she laughed and said "so that's how you got rid of yours so fast" then continued to text all her friends and tell them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11188) - you deserved it (32009)
On 07/03/2011 at 1:51am - intimacy - by fmylife7721 - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8409) - you deserved it (38258)
On 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm - misc - by Cowgirl_Up37 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29406) - you deserved it (3708)
On 07/01/2011 at 1:42pm - kids - by parenting sucks - United States (New York)
Today, I walked around for hours with a post-it on my back reading "I JUST HAD SEX!" My boyfriend stuck it on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29961) - you deserved it (5974)
On 06/25/2011 at 4:39am - intimacy - by suxx - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29480) - you deserved it (3455)
On 06/24/2011 at 12:46am - work - by Sam (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7340) - you deserved it (32206)
On 06/16/2011 at 9:39pm - health - by Hopslammer (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I had to lie to my female roommate about what happened last night. She was drunk and spent half the night cuddling with me and trying to get me to kiss her. I've loved this girl for two years, but I promised her I wouldn't let her cheat on her boyfriend with anyone. Even me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56504) - you deserved it (8697)
On 06/15/2011 at 2:00pm - love - by anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Friday 24 May 2013
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