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Robotata's favorite FMLs
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
by Anonymous / 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
by Jeremy / 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Oblivious / 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm / Kuwait / Love
Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML
by Rhyno / 05/05/2009 at 11:37am / United States (New York) / Animals
by Iman / 05/04/2009 at 2:12am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my boyfriend of 17 months, the first guy to tell me he loves me, the guy I lost my virginity to, the only guy whose parents I've met, told me we should stop 'hooking up' because it's weird that I was telling everyone we were a couple and it was ruining his chances of finding a girlfriend. FML
by hannah / 04/14/2009 at 11:21am / United Kingdom (Devon) / Love
Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
by meteorbabe0101 / 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (Michigan) / Health
by anonymiss / 04/13/2009 at 12:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by Anonymous / 04/10/2009 at 5:40pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
by rebekah / 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2009 at 4:18pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML
by rejected / 03/27/2009 at 8:38pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML
by coughandcold / 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by happybirthday / 03/24/2009 at 5:15pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, while on holiday in Morocco, I got arrested by a cop. “Sir, you were driving at 90 instead… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…