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Roadkill007

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Roadkill007
  • Town/Country : under your bed, inside your closet
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 12 April 1988 (25 years)
  • Number of visits : 635
  • Number of comments : 39
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Roadkill007 : This thing needs a wall :( Now I feel like a creeper for checking out profs without leaving a shoutout

btw is it just me or does FML load slower these days? fml...

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Roadkill007's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML

#17231826
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34174) - you deserved it (1978)

On 07/23/2011 at 5:27pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

#15514877
358 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35686) - you deserved it (22879)

On 03/27/2011 at 2:09pm - misc - by rowie1311 (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I kissed a boy I have liked since the first day of university. I was thrilled until he followed it with, "Right, I don't think we should tell anyone this happened. Not that they'd believe it anyway." He then patted my ass and walked away. FML

#15512355
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31561) - you deserved it (3802)

On 03/27/2011 at 10:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, on the way home from the dog groomer, my great Dane had a bout of diarrhea in the car. I slammed on the brakes and my other freshly shampooed dog slid off the seat and into the pile of crap. FML

#15510596
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23103) - you deserved it (7622)

On 03/27/2011 at 6:06am - animals - by StinkyDogs (man) - United States (California)

Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML

#15489926
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22025) - you deserved it (3796)

On 03/25/2011 at 10:27pm - animals - by ouch -

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

#15472026
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41841) - you deserved it (6428)

On 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm - misc - by omg - Canada (Alberta)

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

#15405912
480 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30477) - you deserved it (44250)

On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

#15184059
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32676) - you deserved it (20986)

On 03/03/2011 at 6:22am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

#13823528
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47489) - you deserved it (6507)

On 11/13/2010 at 2:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

#2147353
333 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75431) - you deserved it (35560)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

#761206
483 comments

I agree, your life sucks (203440) - you deserved it (59400)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

#480459
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56055) - you deserved it (6815)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:34pm - misc - by churchgoer (man) - United States (Illinois)



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