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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 12 April 1988 (28 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1369
  • Number of comments : 39
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Roadkill007 : This thing needs a wall :( Now I feel like a creeper for checking out profs without leaving a shoutout

btw is it just me or does FML load slower these days? fml...

Roadkill007's page activity

Visits<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 07/31/2016 at 8:57pm<b>pineapples</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 10:29pm<b>ClockworkPoleaxe</b> - the 12/31/2014 at 12:20am<b>swampbaby985</b> - the 10/12/2014 at 3:47am<b>mdd2014</b> - the 08/31/2014 at 10:45am<b>bassguitar98</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 4:27am<b>skittycat213</b> - the 03/31/2014 at 5:17pm<b>GreenBeast</b> - the 03/04/2014 at 1:30pm<b>BeccaBoo2010</b> - the 01/18/2014 at 6:57am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 12/05/2013 at 12:05am<b>Thursdayxo</b> - the 10/19/2013 at 4:26pm<b>smilie97</b> - the 06/19/2013 at 7:56am<b>eddietuc</b> - the 06/14/2013 at 11:49pm<b>jellybean_jack</b> - the 06/07/2013 at 11:24am<b>lexxiii</b> - the 04/05/2013 at 10:26pm<b>hoffmanam</b> - the 03/03/2013 at 9:04am<b>rkmn8r</b> - the 01/06/2013 at 5:43am<b>reynechristine</b> - the 01/06/2013 at 3:55am

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Roadkill007's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML

by Username / 07/23/2011 at 5:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

by rowie1311 / 03/27/2011 at 2:09pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I kissed a boy I have liked since the first day of university. I was thrilled until he followed it with, "Right, I don't think we should tell anyone this happened. Not that they'd believe it anyway." He then patted my ass and walked away. FML

by Anonymous / 03/27/2011 at 10:36am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, on the way home from the dog groomer, my great Dane had a bout of diarrhea in the car. I slammed on the brakes and my other freshly shampooed dog slid off the seat and into the pile of crap. FML

by StinkyDogs / 03/27/2011 at 6:06am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML

by ouch / 03/25/2011 at 10:27pm / Animals

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

by omg / 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

by failureparent / 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 2:14am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

by a / 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

by churchgoer / 03/19/2009 at 11:34pm / United States (Illinois) / Love