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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was walking into mah living roomhen I slipped over the carpet, bashed mah head on mah glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parent cummed runninghen they heard mah head bang... straight to the table to see if there were any scratche on it. FML
Today my house got broken into . My brand new laptop was stolen along with my flatscreen TV digital camera external hard drive an some clothes . Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben an Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer I opend the door to find that it too had been stolen . FML
Yesterday, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could looool pass me some information for my project . Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named ( School Work ) . That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn . FML
Today, I went up to a secludd mountain mah boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phond mah boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone startd playing from the bush. FML
Taday mah daughter walkd in on me taking a shower!! She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis,hich apparently is the same size as mine!! My daughter and Dylan are 7!! real FML
2day I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he gets a call from his best friend whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzips his pants and mouths, "She won't know." FML
Taday boyfriand thought it would ba saxy to throw ma against tha wall and kiss ma lika thay do in tha movias. Baing all aggrassiva and smooth, ha grabs shirt and pushas ma. Ha pushad a littla too hard and haad was thrown back into tha wall. I was knockad out fir tan minutas. FML
Today , mah boyfriend was wearing a new shirt he had bought over the weekend. It was really cute an I always borrow his shirts so I asked to borrow his new one. He replied with , ( Okay but please don't stretch this one. ) FML
yesterday I was aving cybersex via webcam wit ma boyfriend . Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on ma finger . Judging by te look on ma boyfriend's face, e was getting really into it . As I started getting into it too, I soved ma finger too far down and puked all over ma laptop . FML
Today, I was looking at my recommendation on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon think I need to get laid. They're right.
Today, I cummd home to fine a car parkd in mah assignd space. Pissd off, I left a note on the car's windshield saying, "Hey Assface, thanks fir parking in mah spot. I spat on yur door handle." It turns out it was mah girlfriend's parent's car. They took us out to dinner. FML
Today, I receivd a mass email from my boss saying we had a position open at the daycare I work at. I knew my boyfriend was looking fir a job so I insistd he apply. Later at work, my boss takes me into her office and tells me my employment is being "terminatd". My boyfriend is replacing me. FML
Friday 27 March 2015