About RetardedBullFrog : I just hop around all day. Sometimes I get out of my pond to post stuff on FML. I get help from my butler ( kid in the picture ) as to what to write in it. I enjoy playing sports with my buddies down at the pond next to mine, we usually just play basketball and eat flies.
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RetardedBullFrog's favorite FMLs
Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML
by Beeisc00l / 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm / Reserved / Animals
by Hoggiebear / 10/05/2011 at 12:08pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML
by Pissed / 10/05/2011 at 11:29am / Australia / Kids
by princesspuffypan / 10/05/2011 at 2:23am / South Africa / Love
Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML
by danii / 10/04/2011 at 11:28pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous
by dmanrique / 10/04/2011 at 11:10am / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, I lost my watch at the pool. After giving a detailed description of it at the desk, I was really happy to hear someone had found it and handed it in. Too bad I was too late, because someone had already claimed it. FML
by happymum / 09/30/2011 at 7:10am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous
Today, after being in the UK for 2 months, I learned that when saying, "I'm about to blow off and kill someone", to the British "blow off" means "fart." This was pointed out to me in an open-space office after a particularly loud rant. FML
by AngerManagement / 09/29/2011 at 4:04am / United Kingdom / Work
by danthecomplicate / 09/28/2011 at 10:28pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, I cleaned out the fridge for my mother. I didn't throw out a single thing that was less than a month past its expiration. Instead of thanks, she complained about everything that I threw away being still good, including a tub of butter that had been expired for two years. FML
by AngrySon / 09/28/2011 at 9:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Hypocrisy / 09/28/2011 at 6:16pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, after months of telling my parents I was going to live on my own, I finally moved out. Not even 24 hours being out of their house, some reject burned down the apartment complex I live in. Guess who's moving back home. FML
by Foreverathome / 09/28/2011 at 1:17am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by confused / 09/28/2011 at 12:55am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
by Anonymous / 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, my nephew spent a long while enthusiastically telling me how amazing his new 3D TV system is. I felt his pain as his face turned white when he remembered that I'm blind in one eye since birth. FML
by Anonymous / 09/27/2011 at 12:15am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I woke up to my head being covered by a pissy diaper, a pile of pee not even an inch from my… Today, at my oldest sisters wedding she forgot something borrowed. she looked at me and said if I'm… Today, while kayaking with my family, I thought I saw a snake. I paddled closer to it while arguing…