About RetardedBullFrog : I just hop around all day. Sometimes I get out of my pond to post stuff on FML. I get help from my butler ( kid in the picture ) as to what to write in it. I enjoy playing sports with my buddies down at the pond next to mine, we usually just play basketball and eat flies.
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RetardedBullFrog's favorite FMLs
Today, I came home crying and informed my mother that someone had called me a 'fat bitch' today. She held me at arms length, looked me straight in the eyes, and lovingly said, "You can't change who you are." FML
by Anonymous / 10/20/2011 at 12:16pm / Ireland (Meath) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my job in a nursing home, the State Department of Health inspected us, during which a dementia patient repeatedly screamed that I always hurt her. This was the first time that I'd ever seen her. FML
by Whoops / 10/20/2011 at 12:36am / United States (Utah) / Work
Today, I went out shopping. When I left the store, I saw my ex, who I'm still crazy about. He helped me carry my bags out to the car. When I leaned in to give him a hug goodbye, he stepped aside, and I fell face-first into a puddle. He walked away laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2011 at 3:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Mini-wanker / 10/18/2011 at 1:34pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by imy / 10/18/2011 at 11:01am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by stdpositivenow / 10/18/2011 at 10:16am / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, I learned the hard way how easy it is to get on my boss's bad side. We were talking about reality TV shows and I'd mentioned how much I despise Snooki, and how useless to the planet she is. Now I fear for my job. FML
by Anonymous / 10/17/2011 at 5:37pm / United States / Work
Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML
by Cats...FML / 10/17/2011 at 7:46am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years felt comfortable enough with me to disclose that he had previously spent 4 years in a mental institute because he tried to kill his mother. He also told me we will be together forever. I'm scared. FML
by cupcake_butt / 10/17/2011 at 4:39am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML
by pokeballbra / 10/17/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML
by blarp / 10/17/2011 at 12:20am / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I took the train to visit my parents, which arrives late at night. As I was getting off, the cute guy in front of me looked out the window, then turned to me and said, "Doesn't that guy out there give you the creeps?" That guy was my dad. FML
by DaddysGirl / 10/16/2011 at 6:36am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Unemployed / 10/16/2011 at 3:15am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, I was watching my cousin shoot at targets on hay bales with his plastic pellet BB gun. After my sister asked him if it would hurt to be shot with one, my cousin smiled at her and said, "Ask your sister" as he shot me in the leg. I think my screaming was obvious enough. It hurts. FML
by ThanksChris / 10/16/2011 at 3:06am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…
- Today, I returned a rental car and almost got charged extra for the "funky and rotten" smell in the… Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early.… Today, I was at home and my boyfriend called me and said that I'd left my G-string at his house. I…