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RedneckAngel's favorite FMLs
by lct722 / 03/16/2012 at 1:54am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML
by Anonymous / 03/15/2012 at 9:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by W45T3D_Y0UTH / 03/15/2012 at 4:44pm / Canada / Love
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
by StinkyandStupid / 03/15/2012 at 1:49pm / United States / Transportation
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She said it's a good thing, because it was a "mutual decision", and that while she wouldn't mind staying together, I was the one who wanted to split, and she respected my decision. I wish I had been a part of this delusional conversation. FML
by Teh_dw33bin4tor / 03/15/2012 at 8:12am / Australia / Love
Today, I called pizza hut to order a pizza. A voice recording was reading me their specials. The man had a horrible country accent so I began to make fun of it. Then I realized it was an actual person on the line. FML
by muzikmaler91 / 03/15/2012 at 5:45am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML
by solyana vr1 / 03/14/2012 at 9:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching a kid at school walk like a gangster. My teacher was standing there, so I stood behind the kid and walked like him, laughing to myself, at which point my teacher took me to one side and told me the kid was handicapped. FML
by BBFreak97 / 03/14/2012 at 4:13pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got my braces put on. This is the second time I've had them. The first time was after my cousin opened a car door in my face. This time a jock punched me in the mouth for saying that Reese's taste the same as Snickers peanut butter. FML
by braceface / 03/14/2012 at 4:12pm / United States / Health
Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML
by zztopspinner / 03/14/2012 at 3:11pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by mel_bear_ / 03/14/2012 at 10:38am / United Kingdom (Reading) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/14/2012 at 3:33am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML
by Simms / 03/13/2012 at 10:32pm / United States / Work
by Samantha / 03/13/2012 at 1:59pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by PixieWrists / 03/13/2012 at 1:33pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Health
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, while looking for pants to fit over my cast from a broken leg the drawer of my dresser flew… Today, I was watching horror stories alone in my room. It got to the climax of the story and my cat… Today, my fridge broke. So I quickly put everything to another fridge. It started working again. I…