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Raytysbird

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Raytysbird

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 11 April 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 859
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Raytysbird's FML badges

Inception

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The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

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Raytysbird's favorite FMLs

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

#21415171
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22300) - you deserved it (8794)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

#21415031
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22742) - you deserved it (3430)

On 05/24/2015 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by ugh - United States (Michigan)

Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML

#21408368
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26538) - you deserved it (8687)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:40pm - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I read my 10-year-old sister's diary. That's how I found out about her disturbingly detailed plan to murder me, make it look like suicide, date my boyfriend after helping him get over my death, then marry him. FML

#21395572
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38131) - you deserved it (4929)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:01am - kids - by Anonymus (woman) - Sweden

Today, I got into an argument with my racist brother after he opened his god damn stupid mouth in front of my girlfriend. He actually tried to convince me that he's not a racist, because one of his favorite types of porn is black girls getting fucked by white guys. FML

#21395531
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29314) - you deserved it (2476)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:57am - misc - by assault and imnotracistbuttery (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a friendly game of Cards Against Humanity somehow ended in a screaming match, my best friend's mother pulling out her tits, and me getting bit in the foot by a dog. FML

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is not a screamer nor a moaner, she's a biter. My arm is getting stitches right now. FML

#21393183
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28716) - you deserved it (2850)

On 04/13/2015 at 8:51pm - intimacy - by anon - United States

Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML

#21391293
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32009) - you deserved it (2327)

On 04/10/2015 at 2:04pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

#21390086
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27478) - you deserved it (7038)

On 04/08/2015 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by righthook - United States

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

#21389976
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17307) - you deserved it (32333)

On 04/08/2015 at 12:08pm - misc - by S to the HIT (man) - United States (California)

Today, after pulling an all-nighter studying for an exam, I caught the bus to college. On the way there, the bus decided to make sweet love to a taxi, creating a pile-up and a traffic jam. I didn't make it to the exam in time. FML

#21389932
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28589) - you deserved it (1920)

On 04/08/2015 at 10:43am - misc - by rUs7up1d (man) - Guatemala (Guatemala)

Today, after 4 years of nicely asking, I wrote an official memo to our logistics department, asking for new chairs for my subordinates. The logistics people came and concluded that there are more broken chairs than good ones, but suggested that perhaps we should all go on a diet. FML

#21372747
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25633) - you deserved it (2544)

On 03/11/2015 at 8:36pm - work - by Matei - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

#21368964
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43273) - you deserved it (19595)

On 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML

#21368848
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33726) - you deserved it (7162)

On 03/05/2015 at 7:25pm - misc - by Josh - United States (Missouri)

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

#21365242
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18762) - you deserved it (55472)

On 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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