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Raytysbird

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Raytysbird

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 11 April 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 953
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Inception

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The Mixer

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Raytysbird's favorite FMLs

Today, my parents heard about the decision to make same-sex marriage legal in all states. They're so outraged that they're even talking about getting a house in Canada. They're in for a surprise. FML

#21432698
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28544) - you deserved it (2290)

On 06/27/2015 at 5:38am - misc - by MovingtoCanada (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

#21432612
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22953) - you deserved it (2155)

On 06/27/2015 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML

#21429349
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25405) - you deserved it (2990)

On 06/21/2015 at 2:04am - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML

#21428622
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27157) - you deserved it (3152)

On 06/19/2015 at 3:00pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML

#21428226
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29583) - you deserved it (3688)

On 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm - work - by fartypants - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML

#21427521
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35819) - you deserved it (2577)

On 06/17/2015 at 10:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML

#21425373
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33507) - you deserved it (1689)

On 06/13/2015 at 8:42am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

#21424919
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24284) - you deserved it (10226)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:42am - health - by fisted (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my husband going down on another woman. Instead of speaking, he looked at me, got up, and slammed the door. FML

#21424579
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32595) - you deserved it (2270)

On 06/11/2015 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by lolatmylovelife - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to endure the most mortifying ambulance ride of my life after my fiancé's cock ring got stuck on my tongue piercing. As I was trying not to choke or vomit, he actually high-fived one of the EMTs and tried to get him to take a picture on his phone. FML

#21424446
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29598) - you deserved it (8608)

On 06/11/2015 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by awkward - United Kingdom (Dumfries and Galloway)

Today, I took my 6-year-old son to visit his grandmother, as the doctors say she only has days left to live. Minutes after we arrived, he leaned in close and told her that she's going to hell. FML

#21421237
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25796) - you deserved it (2903)

On 06/05/2015 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my District Manager was impressed by all the appointments in my upcoming calendar. Bubbling with pride, I blurted out "Oh, I just love to have all my slots filled!" The awkward silence was only broken by "That's what she said!" from the next cubicle. FML

#21420435
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24576) - you deserved it (4897)

On 06/03/2015 at 9:59pm - work - by officeditz - United States (Florida)

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

#21415171
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26182) - you deserved it (10561)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

#21415031
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27693) - you deserved it (4029)

On 05/24/2015 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by ugh - United States (Michigan)

Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML

#21408368
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26670) - you deserved it (8712)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:40pm - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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