About RDragonzx : Commonly known as RDragonzx on almost everything web related, it has been my alias for a good few years now, so if you see it you have got me.
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RDragonzx's favorite FMLs
Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML
by fack / 07/29/2015 at 10:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Oopsie / 07/28/2015 at 1:18pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML
by suspended / 07/24/2015 at 8:59pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML
by HAIL SITHIS / 07/24/2015 at 2:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2015 at 10:13pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, a customer wanted corporate's number because we aren't allowed to sell pies after midnight. After a drug-fuelled cuss-storm, she punched me in the face through the open window and peeled out of drive-thru like a bat out of hell. FML
by TheDrugsAreStrongWithThisOne / 07/20/2015 at 4:21am / United States / Work
Today, I received a text with my last name spelled wrong. A short conversation revealed he got my number from me, through Tinder. I don't have an account, but he insisted he knew that I like it 'hard and rough'. He knew my first name. I still don't know how he got my phone number or name. FML
by creepedout / 07/19/2015 at 11:00pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I watched a young shop assistant try her hardest to flirt with my 20-year-old son. When he continued to be totally oblivious, she outright invited him back to her flat. When he asked, "What for?" a piece of my soul died at how completely I have failed as a father. FML
by anonymous / 07/16/2015 at 6:21pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
by Razz / 07/15/2015 at 6:02pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 11:40am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals
Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML
by newmoongirl1036 / 07/12/2015 at 10:03pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by savannahsboxxx / 07/11/2015 at 8:09am / United States / Animals
Today, I was late for work, so I grabbed my handbag, my sports bag and ran out. The bus arrived at the stop just as I did, so I hopped on and sat down, trying to catch my breath. I dumped my bags onto my knees and looked down to see my cat, staring back at me from inside my sports bag. FML
by matou / 07/09/2015 at 4:41pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Transportation
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML
by alison / 07/04/2015 at 1:02am / United States / Intimacy
by but cum to think of it... / 07/03/2015 at 5:29pm / Intimacy