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R3DN3CKTBRIZZ7's favorite FMLs
Today, my parents told me that they've been having a contest to see who could punish me the most this week. So far, my mom is in the lead by kicking me out of the car near railroad tracks, and making me walk the 4 miles home in the freezing rain. FML
by Grounded / 11/03/2011 at 5:18am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/03/2011 at 3:29am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
by Anonymous / 11/03/2011 at 2:22am / Australia / Animals
Today, I overheard my dad telling his work buddy that he's disappointed in his kid. I assumed he meant my brother, for flunking out of school. He meant me, for quitting sports to focus on my studies. FML
by Anonymous / 11/02/2011 at 10:43am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
by S. Bauer / 11/02/2011 at 9:50am / Portugal / Love
Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML
by HOe HOe HOe / 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
Today, I got my period. Last week, I fell out of a window and landed between my legs on a bush; I have massive swelling down there, and stitches over the ripped flesh. Now I'm bleeding out my period on top of the lingering wounds down there. It hurts even to pee, let alone menstruate. FML
by stitchesupmyass / 11/01/2011 at 5:50pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, my license to carry a gun expired because my manager forgot to renew it. As I'm an armored car guard, this is a problem. In order to keep getting hours, my company transferred me to the coin vault. I just finished moving 15000 lbs of boxed coins. By hand. I'm stuck doing this for a month. FML
by 9726 / 11/01/2011 at 5:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my friend took me and a bunch of other guys out to a nice dinner. This was his way to say thank you for helping him move to a new apartment. He got the cheque, excused himself to go to the restroom and never came back to pay. FML
by moodyreallyrocks / 11/01/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Kentucky) / Money
by Anonymous / 11/01/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
by pain / 11/01/2011 at 10:52am / United States / Health
Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML
by loves the smell of burning flesh / 11/01/2011 at 9:22am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML
by candice / 11/01/2011 at 5:09am / Reserved / Miscellaneous
by Halle / 11/01/2011 at 3:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/31/2011 at 8:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,…
- Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, a piece of candy thrown from the top of the Eiffel Tower broke one the frames of my glasses.…