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R3DN3CKTBRIZZ7's favorite FMLs
Today, my neighbours kicked my football back over the fence. They'd slashed it and taped a note to the remains that said, "Do it again and it'll be your face." Now I'm scared to play football in my own backyard. FML
by Anonymous / 11/25/2011 at 8:25pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/23/2011 at 4:36am / United States / Health
Today, after changing his mind 3 times, my long distance fiancé told me he wasn't coming to see me for Thanksgiving. Out of anger, I threw his clothes, car magazines, and whatever else I could find in a huge, messy pile. During this, he walked into the room. He was going to surprise me. FML
by Anon / 11/22/2011 at 8:53pm / United States / Love
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
by bizzyizzy0121 / 11/21/2011 at 1:28am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out my wife has been bribing my daughter to keep quiet about her affair with my boss. That would explain the iPhone 4S, the $500 shoes, the $200 purse, and the professional $300 haircut. They told me it was because she had straight A's. FML
by brokeandalone / 11/20/2011 at 9:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, I went camping and shared a tent with this girl I have been sleeping with here and there for a year. To impress her, I popped a certain male enhancement supplement. Thirty minutes later I found out she was on her period. What a long night. FML
by johnnydoe6969 / 11/20/2011 at 6:51pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/19/2011 at 7:21pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
by kaybax / 11/19/2011 at 6:42am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Love
by Aleial / 11/19/2011 at 3:20am / United States / Intimacy
Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML
by dan / 11/18/2011 at 11:54pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous
Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML
by Trey / 11/18/2011 at 8:58pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me over for an "important chat". This chat consisted of him not only insisting that we have sex whenever he feels like it, but demanding that I take birth control pills, because making him wear a condom is "sexist and degrading". FML
by Anonymous / 11/18/2011 at 6:36pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, I was involved in a car accident and hit my head on the dash. I now have huge, very sore knot on my head. My boyfriend now takes every opportunity to poke it and scream "Look! A baby unicorn!" FML
by southernpride93 / 11/18/2011 at 10:26am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML
by hannahk267 / 11/18/2011 at 8:30am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…