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QWERTYCommander's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 4:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, my roommate complained about his penis being smelly and itchy. It's been a week. Yesterday he woke me up in the middle of the night, asking if I had some kind of Vaseline or moisturizer he could use for the itching. He still refuses to go to the doctor. FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2011 at 7:09pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Health
Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML
by Katrina / 02/13/2011 at 5:32pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
by grrrr / 02/12/2011 at 2:00pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 02/12/2011 at 11:52am / United States (California) / Love
Today, one of my cats peed all over the back of my couch, so I put her outside for a while. When I let her in, she ran straight to the couch and peed on my laptop. This has been going on ever since I accidentally stepped on her tail, several months ago. FML
by UghCats / 02/05/2011 at 8:58pm / United States (Wyoming) / Animals
Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML
by Anonymous / 02/01/2011 at 8:43am / United States / Love
Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML
by Joey / 01/30/2011 at 12:21pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Poopie / 01/29/2011 at 1:06am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
by Anonymous / 11/25/2010 at 6:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 9:42am / Reserved / Work
by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous