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QWERTYCommander

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QWERTYCommander
  • Town/Country : Dickville, UK
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Saturday 8 August 1992 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 1557
  • Number of comments : 449
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 48 posted

About QWERTYCommander : What would you need to know about me?

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QWERTYCommander's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML

#15042917
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47890) - you deserved it (40066)

On 02/19/2011 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my roommate complained about his penis being smelly and itchy. It's been a week. Yesterday he woke me up in the middle of the night, asking if I had some kind of Vaseline or moisturizer he could use for the itching. He still refuses to go to the doctor. FML

#14962241
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26125) - you deserved it (2255)

On 02/13/2011 at 7:09pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

#14961230
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37838) - you deserved it (8138)

On 02/13/2011 at 5:32pm - intimacy - by Katrina (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Feeling bad, I texted him a few hours later apologizing. He said it was fine and that he went ahead and picked up a girl from the mall. FML

#14950423
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7741) - you deserved it (32972)

On 02/12/2011 at 2:00pm - love - by grrrr - United States

Today, I made the discovery that I'm in a true love triangle; both of my girlfriends are dating one another. FML

#14948891
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12834) - you deserved it (57359)

On 02/12/2011 at 11:52am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, one of my cats peed all over the back of my couch, so I put her outside for a while. When I let her in, she ran straight to the couch and peed on my laptop. This has been going on ever since I accidentally stepped on her tail, several months ago. FML

#14857654
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26411) - you deserved it (10470)

On 02/05/2011 at 8:58pm - animals - by UghCats (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML

#14836412
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26941) - you deserved it (5231)

On 02/04/2011 at 3:11am - animals - by unknown -

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

#14820910
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26654) - you deserved it (5598)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:17am - intimacy - by anonymous -

Today, I was startled awake at 4am by a loud and awful sound. Completely serious, I asked my fiancé if he had just shit his pants. His response: giggles followed by a softly whispered "maybe". FML

#14794923
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30749) - you deserved it (3886)

On 02/01/2011 at 8:43am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML

#14774020
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31383) - you deserved it (2878)

On 01/30/2011 at 12:21pm - kids - by Joey - United States (California)

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

#14752414
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21758) - you deserved it (2622)

On 01/29/2011 at 1:06am - health - by Poopie (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML

#14295570
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31164) - you deserved it (8181)

On 12/22/2010 at 6:43am - kids - by lerouxmaster -

Today, I was seated, once again, at the "too small" children's table. I'm twenty. FML

#13977736
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19762) - you deserved it (2140)

On 11/25/2010 at 6:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was called to reports of a drunk and disorderly male. I arrived to discover a drunk man having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me me and shouted 'God save the Queen'. It's then that I remembered that it's my job to do something about it. FML

#13444115
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26062) - you deserved it (2750)

On 10/14/2010 at 9:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Reserved



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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