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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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QWERTYCommander

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QWERTYCommander
  • Town/Country : Dickville, UK
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Saturday 8 August 1992 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 876
  • Number of comments : 446
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 48 posted

About QWERTYCommander : What would you need to know about me?

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QWERTYCommander's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML

#15042917 (211)

I agree, your life sucks (40015) - you deserved it (31200)

On 02/19/2011 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my roommate complained about his penis being smelly and itchy. It's been a week. Yesterday he woke me up in the middle of the night, asking if I had some kind of Vaseline or moisturizer he could use for the itching. He still refuses to go to the doctor. FML

#14962241 (88)

I agree, your life sucks (20195) - you deserved it (1627)

On 02/13/2011 at 7:09pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

#14961230 (210)

I agree, your life sucks (32630) - you deserved it (6581)

On 02/13/2011 at 5:32pm - intimacy - by Katrina (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Feeling bad, I texted him a few hours later apologizing. He said it was fine and that he went ahead and picked up a girl from the mall. FML

#14950423 (181)

I agree, your life sucks (7078) - you deserved it (30256)

On 02/12/2011 at 2:00pm - love - by grrrr - United States

Today, I made the discovery that I'm in a true love triangle; both of my girlfriends are dating one another. FML

#14948891 (222)

I agree, your life sucks (9972) - you deserved it (40199)

On 02/12/2011 at 11:52am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, one of my cats peed all over the back of my couch, so I put her outside for a while. When I let her in, she ran straight to the couch and peed on my laptop. This has been going on ever since I accidentally stepped on her tail, several months ago. FML

#14857654 (165)

I agree, your life sucks (20479) - you deserved it (8115)

On 02/05/2011 at 8:58pm - animals - by UghCats (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML

#14836412 (61)

I agree, your life sucks (20924) - you deserved it (3981)

On 02/04/2011 at 3:11am - animals - by unknown -

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

#14820910 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (21402) - you deserved it (4385)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:17am - intimacy - by anonymous -

Today, I was startled awake at 4am by a loud and awful sound. Completely serious, I asked my fiancé if he had just shit his pants. His response: giggles followed by a softly whispered "maybe". FML

#14794923 (122)

I agree, your life sucks (27761) - you deserved it (3597)

On 02/01/2011 at 8:43am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML

#14774020 (83)

I agree, your life sucks (25323) - you deserved it (2174)

On 01/30/2011 at 12:21pm - kids - by Joey - United States (California)

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

#14752414 (75)

I agree, your life sucks (16547) - you deserved it (1956)

On 01/29/2011 at 1:06am - health - by Poopie (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML

#14295570 (306)

I agree, your life sucks (22165) - you deserved it (5662)

On 12/22/2010 at 6:43am - kids - by lerouxmaster -

Today, I was seated, once again, at the "too small" children's table. I'm twenty. FML

#13977736 (107)

I agree, your life sucks (17796) - you deserved it (1961)

On 11/25/2010 at 6:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was called to reports of a drunk and disorderly male. I arrived to discover a drunk man having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me me and shouted 'God save the Queen'. It's then that I remembered that it's my job to do something about it. FML

#13444115 (121)

I agree, your life sucks (22023) - you deserved it (2082)

On 10/14/2010 at 9:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Reserved

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

#2688793 (488)

I agree, your life sucks (24340) - you deserved it (224167)

On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)