About PsychoticAsylum : I'm not sure what to write here anymore. Guess I'll just say that I go on here daily yet I almost never comment. I might have a slight fear of making a fool of myself in public. Oh well. I love to draw, I drew my profile picture.
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
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Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42884) - you deserved it (4372)
On 06/02/2013 at 4:48pm - intimacy - by i'm not psychic, mother fucker (woman) - Sweden (Uppsala Lan)
Today, I discovered that my 20-year-old son has been using my bras for his jerk-off sessions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49040) - you deserved it (4232)
On 06/02/2013 at 3:00pm - intimacy - by Kay (woman) - India (Andhra Pradesh)
Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63722) - you deserved it (3903)
On 06/01/2013 at 3:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (49692) - you deserved it (13493)
On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42121) - you deserved it (4635)
On 05/31/2013 at 8:50pm - money - by speechless (man) - United Kingdom (Wirral)
Today, my dad went snooping on my laptop, and saw that I'd recently looked up 2 Girls, 1 Cup. It was out of morbid curiosity, but he thinks I'm into "satanic porn", and confiscated every electronic device I own. Now I have to sneak to the library just to check my emails. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32736) - you deserved it (11858)
Today, my mom has gone completely insane and insists we only flush the toilet or wash our hands at the start or end of the day, "to save on bills." My young sister thinks it's the best idea ever. My mom makes our food, and my sister just loves to touch everyone's faces. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36603) - you deserved it (2001)
On 05/31/2013 at 2:00pm - health - by nightbirdblue (woman) - United States
Today, while feeding my neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26726) - you deserved it (29417)
On 05/31/2013 at 10:59am - animals - by fuckshitcockwaffle (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML
I agree, your life sucks (41394) - you deserved it (3155)
On 05/30/2013 at 11:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)
Today, while shopping for dresses, I found a really cute one that fit me really well, but not at all in the breast area. My grandma screamed "buy her some titties!" Everyone in the store looked at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43003) - you deserved it (3324)
On 05/29/2013 at 12:39pm - misc - by no boobies - United States
Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41266) - you deserved it (2840)
On 05/29/2013 at 11:21am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51588) - you deserved it (10570)
On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her. She told me that she needed time to think, and left. An hour later, her dad came by with a baseball bat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20906) - you deserved it (107064)
On 05/28/2013 at 12:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39730) - you deserved it (2716)
On 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41242) - you deserved it (3446)
On 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm - work - by fuck you retail (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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