PrettyKookieToo

Search for a member

PrettyKookieToo

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 964
  • Number of comments : 58
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About PrettyKookieToo : No matter what I write here, I will end up hating my past self for writing it, like Karkat or something.

So, I elect to write nothing in particular.

PrettyKookieToo's page activity

Visits<b>1915destroyer</b> - the 08/06/2016 at 2:52pm<b>lui_pg</b> - the 12/18/2015 at 3:34am<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 12/07/2015 at 11:26pm<b>wondercat40</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 1:50pm<b>SlimDanny</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 1:06pm<b>oops6663</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 11:40am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 9:00am<b>whitelightning19</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 5:43pm<b>TheCutestLizard</b> - the 11/03/2014 at 11:22pm<b>mip_92</b> - the 10/30/2014 at 11:37pm<b>lisaint</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 6:12am<b>joecool86</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 11:25pm<b>DatBacon28</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 5:17am<b>Spyingcheeseman</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 10:26am<b>alb6292</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 7:48pm<b>YouMadBra</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 12:01pm<b>fitts6</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 7:31am<b>OnePLAN</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 9:31pm

PrettyKookieToo's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of PrettyKookieToo's badges

PrettyKookieToo's favorite FMLs

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

by what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god / 04/05/2013 at 2:51pm / Singapore / Health

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

by Fireguy92 / 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML

by un_christmas / 12/25/2012 at 1:41am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Love

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

by comeuntome / 11/29/2012 at 2:42pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2012 at 6:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, I was giving my son a driving lesson. He blatantly ran a red light, so I told him to pull over to let me drive us home. As I walked over to the driver-side door, he instead locked me out and drove off by himself. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2012 at 1:28pm / Argentina (Buenos Aires) / Kids

Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2012 at 10:56pm / United States / Animals

Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML

by AdamwithanA / 10/10/2012 at 11:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my co-worker and I were having a conversation in Russian. Our boss overheard us talking, shouted, "I know you're talking about me! I speak Spanish too!" and threatened to fire us. FML

by PuddlePirate / 09/07/2012 at 12:23pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I had to shave my feet in order to wear ballet flats. I'm not a hobbit. FML

by fet / 08/23/2012 at 10:30am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML

by majorlyturnedoff / 08/20/2012 at 11:02pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said "nah, it's just a generic face". FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2012 at 1:41pm / United States / Love

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

by kherien / 08/12/2012 at 1:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous