Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About Posthuman : "I keep myself alive...just to die...more every day..."
I enjoy reading about other peoples misery. My favorite commenters are DocBastard, perdix, NoorFML, Nordrag, and gc327072.
This chick, her name is Captain_Becca_Ge, she's got it goin on.
I love music. Some of my favorite musical artists are NIN, Marilyn Manson, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Slipknot, koRn, Stone Sour, Asking Alexandria, Suicide Silence, Dethklok, Bring Me The Horizon, Crown The Empire, Motionless in White, and As I Lay Dying, just to name a small few.
Yolotards and Swag Fags, start running. I will hunt you down, one by one until the cleansing is complete
"If you're gonna be an ass, sit down and shut up. An ass's best place is in a chair."
I am not a satanist. I am, in fact, a devout Christian who respects all faiths and religions.
If you want to, message me; I'll check it eventually. I would love to make a new
Facebook: John Zachary Knox
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my future wife's. We want to have the same last name, and we chose hers because she is an only child, while I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me "pussy whipped" while the other half won't speak to me. FML
Today, my friends and I held an intervention for my fiancé. He's been talking and behaving like an "old-timey cowboy" non-stop for the last three months. Our wedding is in a month and he refuses to marry me if I can't accept his "life choices." FML
Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, a cashier asked me if I would like to donate to breast cancer research. Since I have already made my donations this month, I politely declined. The cashier snorted and said, "Maybe you'll feel differently if someone you love got cancer." I'm a two-year survivor. FML
Today, while walking on a nearly empty street, my friend dared me to slap a tall muscular chick on the butt and run away. I went and did it, but before I even had a chance to turn and run, she grabbed me, bent me over her knee and spanked me until I cried. My friend filmed it. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML
Today, my mom was feeling down, so I decided to buy her a gift. Knowing she likes lighthouses, I bought her a tiny one that plugs in and lights up. I brought it home, plugged it in, and when she saw me with it, she said, "Wipe that smirk off your face and get that junk out of here." FML
Tuesday 22 July 2014