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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
PleadingInsanity's favorite FMLs
by Laundrylady / 08/18/2009 at 4:52pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML
by animalover / 08/13/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation
Today, I sold a customer some beer. He then asked to see the manager, and told me he was a 19 year old undercover cop. My knee jerk reaction was to panic and curse aloud, before realizing he was balding, toothless, probably 50, certainly not a cop, and laughing at me for being such a gullible moron. FML
by Anonymous / 08/02/2009 at 3:23pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML
by thefailure / 08/02/2009 at 12:21am / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, it was my birthday, and my boyfriend got surgery on his gallbladder because he had big gallstones. After they were removed, he was still a little out of it from the morphine. He gave the gallstones to me for my birthday. Better still, his mom suggested I make a necklace out of them. FML
by gallstones / 07/09/2009 at 3:02am / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML
by poopshooter101 / 06/30/2009 at 7:53am / United States (Georgia) / Health
Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML
by paranoid / 06/06/2009 at 12:43am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was nude modeling for the first time for a life art class. The only criteria for the class was that I not move at all while being observed. After a few seconds I noticed a really hot girl drawing me. I got a hard on. FML
by Opplyst11 / 03/18/2009 at 4:37pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she started moaning and breathing heavily. I thought she was getting hot and was about to cum. Unfortunetly, she soon said, "I'm bored, let's play a board game." She was sighing, not moaning. FML
by ThePopeMan / 03/17/2009 at 1:42pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by pretty princess / 02/01/2009 at 3:55am / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, I was riding in a carpool when we passed a church that has a shady reputation. I said "man, all those people are being brainwashed, it's a cult". The lady sitting in the back seat behind me says "I'm a member of that church". OOPS. Silence. FML
by pop_rox / 01/30/2009 at 9:07am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit… Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought… Today, I realized that due to my anti-depressants, I can no longer orgasm. At. All. Which depresses…
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I…