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Phazerman

Offline (the 11/06/2014 at 11:36pm) | Search for a member

Phazerman

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 543
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Phazerman's FML badges

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Phazerman's favorite FMLs

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

#21292770
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35724) - you deserved it (2188)

On 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by spooked - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36315) - you deserved it (9943)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's ghost costume, a white sheet with holes all over. I got beat up for dressing like a member of the KKK. FML

#21289401
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32971) - you deserved it (6287)

On 10/31/2014 at 11:59pm - misc - by Halloween Fail (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

#21286332
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48822) - you deserved it (3463)

On 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by subduedbeast - United States

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

#21276832
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37660) - you deserved it (7247)

On 10/13/2014 at 10:15am - intimacy - by badplacerightnow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

#21276776
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33355) - you deserved it (4547)

On 10/13/2014 at 6:20am - intimacy - by Drafrica (woman) - South Africa

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I cut my hair short and he didn't want people to think he was gay. FML

#21275799
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33950) - you deserved it (6605)

On 10/11/2014 at 8:11pm - misc - by dykerino (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my son was crying because he's afraid he might get Ebola. We live in Maine, and he's 16. FML

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

#21275111
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32393) - you deserved it (19076)

On 10/10/2014 at 5:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31401) - you deserved it (14436)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML

#21275034
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37942) - you deserved it (5740)

On 10/10/2014 at 3:33pm - intimacy - by TalkDirtyToMe - New Zealand

Today, I got my first compliment in over a year. It was from my gynecologist, saying I have a beautiful cervix. FML

#21275026
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32611) - you deserved it (2929)

On 10/10/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by JulietMarie - United States (New York)

Today, I tried a soup sample at a supermarket. An employee then came over and started asking me questions about how I got the cup for the sample, telling me it wasn't store policy to just give out sample cups. I was so stressed that I broke down crying in the middle of the supermarket. FML

Today, I found out that the only girl who's ever called me cute or handsome is actually a compulsive liar. FML

#21260295
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33625) - you deserved it (2693)

On 09/17/2014 at 9:37pm - misc - by compulsiveliarssaytheylikeme - United States (Pennsylvania)



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