Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Phazerman

Offline (the 02/09/2016 at 10:36pm) | Search for a member

Phazerman

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2002
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Phazerman's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of Phazerman's badges

Phazerman's favorite FMLs

Today, I accidentally walked in on my sister shaving, naked. I don't know what's worse, the fact I've now seen her nude, or that she looks ten times better than any girl I've ever slept with. FML

#21521379
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23319) - you deserved it (5040)

On 01/31/2016 at 4:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML

#21521010
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21703) - you deserved it (2207)

On 01/30/2016 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a dump at work. I had my two-way radio attached to the back of my belt. When I stood up and pulled my pants up, I managed to send the antenna straight up my butt. FML

#21520186
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20097) - you deserved it (4401)

On 01/27/2016 at 7:29pm - misc - by poopsicle (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my penis, even in public. FML

#21492545
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14124) - you deserved it (25898)

On 11/14/2015 at 5:08pm - intimacy - by BashyDaBest - United States (California)

Today, the man of my dreams turned out to be the worst kisser I've ever encountered. I now have a huge hickey on my chin to remember the experience by. FML

#21492333
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21340) - you deserved it (2173)

On 11/14/2015 at 2:20am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I opened up to my best friend about my depression. Her response: "If you're so depressed, why don't you just kill yourself?" FML

#21492063
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29098) - you deserved it (2042)

On 11/13/2015 at 10:51am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Limburg)

Today, I got several angry messages on Facebook, demanding to know how I could cheat on my wife. They didn't believe me when I said I had no idea what they meant. Turns out my wife made a sarcastic post about my "new mistress". She was talking about Fallout 4. FML

Today, I yawned so hard that I dislocated my jaw completely, then had to ask to be excused from class in front of 30 people with my mouth hanging open. FML

Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML

#21491812
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26141) - you deserved it (3586)

On 11/12/2015 at 7:00pm - health - by anonymous (woman) - Netherlands

Today, I gave a group presentation. Because I didn't know the last names of my group members, I'd put fake ones in, intending to replace them later. I forgot to change them and I ended up giving a presentation alongside a very angry Greg Penishead and Josh Acne. FML

#21491660
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13289) - you deserved it (27247)

On 11/12/2015 at 11:55am - misc - by friendless1004 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend called me at work and said, "I hate to do this over the phone..." I burst into tears, thinking he was going to break up with me. Turns out he only ate my last doughnut. Now my co-workers think I'm a weirdo. FML

#21491655
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22884) - you deserved it (4322)

On 11/12/2015 at 11:24am - love - by Porche - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

#21491595
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27924) - you deserved it (2974)

On 11/12/2015 at 4:09am - intimacy - by notyourmummy (woman) - United Kingdom (Isle of Wight)

Today, a student set me on fire while I was lecturing my class about proper lab safety. FML

#21491253
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22738) - you deserved it (1976)

On 11/11/2015 at 12:47pm - work - by burnbabyburn - United Kingdom

Today, I farted myself awake, in a car full of my boyfriend's family. FML

#21491232
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23811) - you deserved it (2924)

On 11/11/2015 at 11:52am - health - by The horror... (woman) - United Kingdom (Luton)

Today, I woke up at 7, got to college by 7:40 to receive an email that my 8:00 a.m. class got cancelled. I stayed there until 12:00 p.m. for my second class, to then find out that the cancelled class was the one at 12:00, not 8:00. FML

#21491152
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22327) - you deserved it (5511)

On 11/11/2015 at 7:18am - work - by Anonymous -



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: