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Phazerman

Offline (the 10/14/2014 at 12:26am) | Search for a member

Phazerman

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  • Number of visits : 395
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Phazerman's favorite FMLs

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

#21276832
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34196) - you deserved it (6830)

On 10/13/2014 at 10:15am - intimacy - by badplacerightnow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

#21276776
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30866) - you deserved it (4364)

On 10/13/2014 at 6:20am - intimacy - by Drafrica (woman) - South Africa

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I cut my hair short and he didn't want people to think he was gay. FML

#21275799
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32559) - you deserved it (6499)

On 10/11/2014 at 8:11pm - misc - by dykerino (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my son was crying because he's afraid he might get Ebola. We live in Maine, and he's 16. FML

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

#21275111
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30344) - you deserved it (17605)

On 10/10/2014 at 5:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30355) - you deserved it (13946)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML

#21275034
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35164) - you deserved it (5516)

On 10/10/2014 at 3:33pm - intimacy - by TalkDirtyToMe - New Zealand

Today, I got my first compliment in over a year. It was from my gynecologist, saying I have a beautiful cervix. FML

#21275026
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31629) - you deserved it (2907)

On 10/10/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by JulietMarie - United States (New York)

Today, I tried a soup sample at a supermarket. An employee then came over and started asking me questions about how I got the cup for the sample, telling me it wasn't store policy to just give out sample cups. I was so stressed that I broke down crying in the middle of the supermarket. FML

Today, I found out that the only girl who's ever called me cute or handsome is actually a compulsive liar. FML

#21260295
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33067) - you deserved it (2502)

On 09/17/2014 at 9:37pm - misc - by compulsiveliarssaytheylikeme - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out my wife named our son after her ex-lover. FML

#21260166
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38386) - you deserved it (2865)

On 09/17/2014 at 6:10pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

#21260160
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34040) - you deserved it (3878)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was eating a hot fudge sundae and I complained that the fudge was at the very bottom and I couldn't reach it with my spoon. My husband muttered "Fat girl problems." FML

#21260102
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36495) - you deserved it (11216)

On 09/17/2014 at 4:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to scare what I thought was a stray cat away from my friend's car in our work parking garage by hitting the panic button on his keys, which did, indeed, make the creature panic. That's when I learned it was not a cat. It was a skunk. FML



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