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Phazerman

Offline (the 05/17/2015 at 7:53am) | Search for a member

Phazerman

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 1447
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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Phazerman's FML badges

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Phazerman's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to pick my brother up from work because he broke down crying. I arrived to find that apparently, you can get so stoned that serving a pregnant woman at a fast food joint moves you to tears over the miracle of life. FML

#21409953
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29958) - you deserved it (2209)

On 05/14/2015 at 10:23am - misc - by sistertaxi - Australia

Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML

#21409928
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32321) - you deserved it (7061)

On 05/14/2015 at 8:42am - work - by HiddlePuff - Australia

Today, my mother asked me how pasta is harvested. She actually thought it grew out of the ground. FML

#21408925
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26706) - you deserved it (2160)

On 05/12/2015 at 12:37pm - misc - by a - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, I went to work at my job as a CNA at a long-term care facility. I'm also on a medication that has a side effect of confusion. I had 3 residents with Alzheimer's tell me to 'get my shit together.' FML

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

#21292770
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36504) - you deserved it (2432)

On 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by spooked - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41252) - you deserved it (12392)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's ghost costume, a white sheet with holes all over. I got beat up for dressing like a member of the KKK. FML

#21289401
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33128) - you deserved it (6313)

On 10/31/2014 at 11:59pm - misc - by Halloween Fail (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

#21286332
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49327) - you deserved it (3482)

On 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by subduedbeast - United States

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

#21276832
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38874) - you deserved it (7352)

On 10/13/2014 at 10:15am - intimacy - by badplacerightnow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

#21276776
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36389) - you deserved it (5255)

On 10/13/2014 at 6:20am - intimacy - by Drafrica (woman) - South Africa

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I cut my hair short and he didn't want people to think he was gay. FML

#21275799
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34098) - you deserved it (6620)

On 10/11/2014 at 8:11pm - misc - by dykerino (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my son was crying because he's afraid he might get Ebola. We live in Maine, and he's 16. FML

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

#21275111
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35744) - you deserved it (21617)

On 10/10/2014 at 5:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32968) - you deserved it (15428)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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