Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Peroxide

Search for a member

Peroxide

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 27 July 1984 (30 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 37831
  • Number of comments : 560
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Peroxide : Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

If I don't save the wee turtles who will!!
*moments later*
AHH save me from the wee turtles, they were too big for me!

This is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, "The Never-Ending Story".

Well, he's kind of had it in for me, since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidently' with 'repeatedly', and replace 'dog' with 'son'.

Here is a list of my favourite fml people-get fucked

It has come to my attention that a number of, shall we say, stalkers-you filthy people know who you are, have been repeatedly viewing my profile. I will not, and will not ever, be posting naked pictures of myself (pm me for naked pics).

Peroxide's page activity

Visits<b>unlucky_lucy</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 4:57pm<b>NotAUser</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 3:06pm<b>ilovefood17</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 10:57pm<b>DreamBigDollFace</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 10:22am<b>addictedtoIASIP</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 8:01pm<b>adamrjprice</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 10:59am<b>countryb_cth</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 9:11pm<b>Carrotop12</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 1:52am<b>hey_brittany_</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 1:44am<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 9:08am<b>manchesterUK</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 5:06am<b>Bree06</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 8:31am<b>abdiG</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 11:06pm<b>Horsempeg</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 3:46am<b>xDochx</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 2:20am<b>cluch3</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 2:38pm<b>nothemother</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 8:59am<b>SiRiSpartan</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 1:29am

Peroxide's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Peroxide's favorite FMLs

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML

#3691268
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84113) - you deserved it (13034)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by wtf (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got further with a guy than I've ever before. By that, I mean I got his phone number. FML

#3575019
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50871) - you deserved it (8373)

On 07/08/2009 at 3:28am - misc - by stupiddddddd (woman) - United Kingdom (Rotherham)

Today, I went to announce to my son that I am pregnant again. After I told him, he looks up and yells: "fuck this shit!" and walks out of the room. My son is nine years old. FML

#3261545
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63136) - you deserved it (26303)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:05am - kids - by poormom (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML

#2821458
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69502) - you deserved it (3734)

On 06/12/2009 at 1:33am - work - by Shoes (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was on the phone with my best guy friend, who I have loved for years. I was talking about school and all of a sudden he said "I love you." I flipped out saying "Oh my god, oh my god. I love you, too!" He responded with "what?" He was talking to his mom, who was walking out the door. FML

#2537729
404 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62475) - you deserved it (15825)

On 06/02/2009 at 4:51pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

#2459150
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22726) - you deserved it (75487)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

#1737355
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59983) - you deserved it (14841)

On 05/07/2009 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom and I were watching this movie in which some girls start making out. My mother calls them "sinners" and that they will "burn in hell twice". Then she says "God doesn't like gays". I'm a lesbian. I picked out this movie as a way of coming out. FML

#1734899
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97612) - you deserved it (15440)

On 05/07/2009 at 9:39pm - love - by HidenSeek (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

#1592701
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23446) - you deserved it (82918)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I didn't have any money to buy a tampon from the dispenser at my school but my hands are small enough so I can just slide them up and grab one. My hand got stuck in the dispenser and my school had to call the fire department. Now everyone calls me tampon girl. FML

#1493911
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28714) - you deserved it (63780)

On 04/30/2009 at 3:56pm - misc - by obeezy (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML

#1487277
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51970) - you deserved it (10239)

On 04/30/2009 at 10:55am - work - by RckRagman (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: