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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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ParanoidPaige

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ParanoidPaige
  • Town/Country : Pa.
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 28 June 1994 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 909
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About ParanoidPaige : I'm paige.
myspace.com/paigeownsyourass
paigebaby145@hotmail.com
if you add me, tell me you're from here plz.
(:!

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ParanoidPaige's favorite FMLs

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

#618909 (375)

I agree, your life sucks (138257) - you deserved it (18739)

On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML

#615927 (93)

I agree, your life sucks (11878) - you deserved it (54304)

On 03/26/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Alex (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML

#613226 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (19020) - you deserved it (59795)

On 03/25/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by ohhotdamn (woman) - United States (Kansas)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML

#597085 (122)

I agree, your life sucks (29096) - you deserved it (63589)

On 03/25/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by nomorebeard (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML

#590218 (78)

I agree, your life sucks (11615) - you deserved it (73662)

On 03/24/2009 at 10:46pm - misc - by Loho (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

#553935 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (68312) - you deserved it (22845)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went swimming. As I was getting out of the very crowded pool a little girl ran up to me pointed and yelled, "Mommy, I want big boobies like that when I grow up." I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

#522932 (133)

I agree, your life sucks (60753) - you deserved it (17148)

On 03/22/2009 at 12:15am - misc - by joshinbaltimore (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my little 7 year old brother asked me what horny meant whilst in the car with my parents. When I wouldn't tell him what it meant he screamed, "I'm getting horny!" at the top of his lungs, and told my parents that I told him to say it. FML

#525590 (72)

I agree, your life sucks (51851) - you deserved it (5019)

On 03/21/2009 at 11:38pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got hypnotized in front of my entire school. Once I was hypnotized the guy told me that the hottest celebrity in the world was in the audience and then he told me to point out who I saw. I said I saw Mick Jagger. I'm a guy. FML

#500940 (116)

I agree, your life sucks (53763) - you deserved it (7125)

On 03/20/2009 at 11:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

#497309 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (21856) - you deserved it (81303)

On 03/20/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Stacy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML

#481631 (523)

I agree, your life sucks (249175) - you deserved it (34313)

On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. Just as things were heating up, my closet door flew open and my little brother ran out screaming, "Mom, they're doing it, come quick!" My mom paid my 9 year old brother to spy on me. FML

#309354 (218)

I agree, your life sucks (100710) - you deserved it (11938)

On 03/13/2009 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by evanescence (man) - United States (California)

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

#287682 (155)

I agree, your life sucks (97505) - you deserved it (13062)

On 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!". I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

#280211 (181)

I agree, your life sucks (26338) - you deserved it (73278)

On 03/12/2009 at 8:07am - health - by lolzor (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

#278861 (84)

I agree, your life sucks (18390) - you deserved it (60688)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:26pm - intimacy - by HansonLUVR (man) - United States (Florida)