Ouellalex

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Ouellalex

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3620
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Ouellalex's favorite FMLs

Today, a girl punched me square in the face, effectively leaving it with purple swellings because I called her boyfriend an "uncle". Said boyfriend IS my uncle. FML

Today, I had to clean up the urine puddle left by one of the regulars who plays the poker slot machines at the bar where I work. Rather than reserve the machine to go to the bathroom, she literally sits in her own piss to mark her territory. This happens about every second day. FML

by ak_6694 / 04/02/2013 at 9:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2013 at 6:30am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML

by haku4u / 04/01/2013 at 7:18pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

by Marco / 04/01/2013 at 5:00pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, what started as a fun family Easter egg hunt turned within minutes into my mother-in-law's big chance to be a dramatic cow by screaming at my 5 and 7-year-old daughters for participating in a "vile pagan ritual" and saying that we're all going to hell. They're still bawling. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2013 at 4:34pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids

Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML

by Mr.no contacts / 03/31/2013 at 3:00am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear my "shit music" through my window during the afternoon, so I turned it off. They then began to play their definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blasted Nicki Minaj. FML

by BornInTheWrongEra / 03/31/2013 at 2:24am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to visit my family for spring break, only to realize that I'd left my phone in my apartment. After a 2 hour drive back, I discovered my boyfriend with my neighbor. He panicked and pretended to be sleepwalking. FML

by Maybe I'll stay longer than spring break. / 03/31/2013 at 12:34am / United States (Virginia) / Holidays

Today, I boarded my first airplane flight. The girl on my right is sick, and the guy on my left says he gets extremely nauseous on flights. My earphones can't block out the panting and retching on either side of me. FML

Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2013 at 1:23am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

by crunknasty / 03/30/2013 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML

by fucked by sex ed / 03/29/2013 at 1:18pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2013 at 1:13pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML

by Hellosinglelife / 03/28/2013 at 6:35pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Saint George) / Love