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Osafune's favorite FMLs
Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML
by Sprtsgeek13 / 09/13/2012 at 8:37am / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 3:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by hahagirl / 09/12/2012 at 1:40am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML
by killmenow / 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I asked a coworker what she'd bought her dad for father's day. She said that she got him some flowers, and I laughed because I thought it was a rather feminine gift for a man. I later found out that the flowers were for his grave. FML
by hc11bmd / 06/19/2012 at 1:20pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
by DwarfFrog / 06/18/2012 at 7:38am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML
by PicklesMcRaptor / 03/25/2012 at 7:59am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by whyme102008 / 07/13/2011 at 2:32am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML
by ouchers / 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by catlady1989 / 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
by Fitz / 04/12/2009 at 9:53am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML
by Anonymous / 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2009 at 4:18pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
by ScoobieDoo / 03/20/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Washington) / Kids
- Today, my new doctor gave me a pamphlet for a cervical cancer prevention injection and told me it's… Today, it's 100 degrees out. I have a brand new company truck with the coldest A/C out there. Too… Today, my cross-country flight was delayed for an hour. When I finally boarded, I found out that my…