Oritsuru

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Offline (the 07/08/2014 at 8:20pm)

Oritsuru

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 31 August 1991 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4538
  • Number of comments : 18
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Oritsuru : Not much really, just ask if you would like.

Oritsuru's page activity

Visits<b>countryb_cth</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 7:29pm<b>odod777</b> - the 10/01/2013 at 3:15pm<b>threer</b> - the 09/29/2013 at 7:51pm<b>Exotic_Nihilism</b> - the 01/24/2013 at 9:21am<b>lmc94</b> - the 09/18/2012 at 11:52am<b>youtubetre</b> - the 05/19/2012 at 7:04am<b>The_Troller</b> - the 02/17/2012 at 6:55pm<b>Sebastian_NG</b> - the 12/30/2011 at 9:02pm<b>FaceMyLies</b> - the 12/23/2011 at 7:59am<b>Cuervo23</b> - the 11/15/2011 at 8:50pm<b>Riiley</b> - the 11/15/2011 at 8:01pm<b>FYLDeep</b> - the 11/02/2011 at 3:42am<b>crownlogic</b> - the 10/27/2011 at 11:06am<b>Doortje</b> - the 10/26/2011 at 5:51am<b>maphineRAWRS</b> - the 10/25/2011 at 9:34am<b>nerdsgetmehot</b> - the 10/20/2011 at 12:12am<b>IntoTheClouds</b> - the 10/19/2011 at 9:38pm<b>13FTW</b> - the 10/19/2011 at 7:22pm

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Oritsuru's favorite FMLs

Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, when I walked up to my car, all my windows were smashed. Thankfully, all I keep in my car is jumper cables, a pen, my car insurance and manual. Whoever smashed my windows apparently was pissed, 'cos they left a note saying "F**k you and your f**king station wagon". FML

by Smashed / 11/15/2009 at 6:16pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML

by grossgross / 09/26/2009 at 2:21pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

by auscop / 09/17/2009 at 6:57am / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation

Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2009 at 5:27am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML

by mandy / 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2009 at 3:28pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back the reply, "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Not only can she not spell, when I looked it up, "error 3265" doesn't even exist. FML

by ZSL / 08/17/2009 at 5:41pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

by ohgod / 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Iowa) / Kids

Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML

by bubbalicious / 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2009 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML

by unbelievable208 / 08/05/2009 at 1:28am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML

by takinabreak / 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML

by Cococautly / 07/04/2009 at 12:49am / Canada (Ontario) / Love