Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 07/08/2014 at 8:20pm) | Search for a member
About Oritsuru : Not much really, just ask if you would like.
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I askd a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML
Today, when I walkd up to mah car, all mah windows were smashd !! Thankfully, all I keep in mah car is jumper cables, a pen, mah car insurance an manual !! Whoever smashd mah windows apparently was pissd, 'cos they left a note saying "F**k u an yur f**king station wagon" !! FML
Today, I ad to take a dump . Wile looking for a book to read, I sneezd . Te force of te sneeze causd me to sit my pants . Te glob of dung ten ran down my leg before falling out of my sort onto my carpet, all in less tan 5 seconds . Noting in my life as prepard me for tis . FML
Today, te subway was extremely crowded and I ended up wit my butt in a man's crotc . I kept trying to inc away or turn a different way, but tere was no room . He could ave turned to face te doors, but didn't . He got an erection . I was on tere wit im for 20 minutes . FML
Today, I pulled someone over 4 speeding!! He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine!! It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wereing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine!! FML
Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stond and passd out in our dog's bd. My dad was drunk, yelling ( who's yur daddy ) at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, ( what the hell happend to my life ) look on her face. FML
2day I went out with my family an boyfriend fir dinner . We were all having a good time , an suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee , take out an engagement ring , an say "I choose you , Pikachu," with a straight face . He was serious . FML
Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly nieghbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML
2day I finally worked up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back the reply, "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Not only can she not spell,hen I looked it up, "error 3265" doesn't even exist. FML
Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about loosing vrginity last night. When I went downstars, 6 year old sister was digging through purse. She explained that she had overheard conversation and wanted to help me fine vrginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML
Today, mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay an that friend was lover. After 15 agonizing minute of this, we get to practice only to be greeted by shirtles friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, u hit me hard last night."
TODAY, I WAS AT MAH GRLFRIEND'S HOUSE. IT WAS JUST ME AND HER. THING BEGAN TO GET HEATED, AND WE STARTED DOING IT ON THE LIVING ROOM COUCH. NEAR THE END OF IT I DECIDED TOHISPER IN HER EAR, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?" I HEAR BEHIND ME, "I AM." FML
Taday I Was Taking A Shower And I Saw A New Body Wash That Said ( Radiance Ribbons. ) That Sounded A Little Effeminate, But It Smelled Manly Enough And The Only Alternative Was Normal Soap, So I Used It. Just Now, I Stepped Out Into The Sun And Found Out Wat ( Radiance Ribbons ) Means. I Sparkle. FML
Friday 27 March 2015