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OptimusVader

Offline (the 09/13/2014 at 4:25pm) | Search for a member

OptimusVader

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 18 January 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2867
  • Number of comments : 139
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About OptimusVader : I'm secretly a Jedi as well as a Pokemon Master. Some day I shall rule over the entire world, but I will be fair and just. :)

OptimusVader's page activity

Visits<b>suckmideck</b> - the 11/25/2014 at 10:33am<b>Ashd09</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 9:53pm<b>dustydick</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 2:25pm<b>Shiny_nickels</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 11:58pm<b>zenkuru</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 6:11pm<b>tampabayfan</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 10:12pm<b>wolfgold2</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 9:02pm<b>omgpp</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 8:12am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 12:35pm<b>Rhett_15</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 11:25pm<b>battlehamster</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 3:33am<b>wopchop12</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 12:31pm<b>Adeptasaurus</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 11:42am<b>Lykaios_Avery</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 10:20pm<b>oxythemoron</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 7:34pm<b>Mexico_WC2018</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 3:18am<b>ceelos97</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 3:16am<b>ukeandfoodislife</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 1:15pm

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100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

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OptimusVader's favorite FMLs

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44297) - you deserved it (19870)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

#20972170
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31050) - you deserved it (14733)

On 11/27/2013 at 3:44am - health - by MissYouPieceOfSkin (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was quite drunk so I decided to take a piss kneeling down, so I wouldn't miss. I dropped the toilet seat on my little soldier. FML

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67030) - you deserved it (5572)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, I realized my wedding ring had fallen off while doing yard work the previous day. Luckily, I only worked in a few areas, so I had high hopes of finding it. That is until a storm came through, blew half a foot of leaves all over the property, and then froze them with sleet. FML

Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door to ask for my opinion. I still don't understand why she had to take everything else off to try on a sweater. FML

#20968575
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47870) - you deserved it (4308)

On 11/24/2013 at 12:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML

#20968136
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43567) - you deserved it (4369)

On 11/23/2013 at 4:57pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Argentina

Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML

#20960837
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57974) - you deserved it (2692)

On 11/17/2013 at 12:46pm - misc - by failed brood mare (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML

#20956290
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47618) - you deserved it (3851)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:08pm - intimacy - by BreakingTheMood (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML

#20953149
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37275) - you deserved it (4868)

On 11/10/2013 at 8:52pm - work - by kittkatt1 - United States (Michigan)

Today, somebody broke into my car, just to steal the obviously fake $1,000,000 bill hanging from my rear-view mirror. FML

#20951747
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43745) - you deserved it (10668)

On 11/09/2013 at 6:27pm - money - by jsyn (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML

#20950369
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44321) - you deserved it (3343)

On 11/08/2013 at 3:12pm - work - by thank god you'll only live once (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

#20946588
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37977) - you deserved it (3330)

On 11/05/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by :/ (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

#20942725
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52584) - you deserved it (7658)

On 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML

#20933801
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41207) - you deserved it (3233)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:20pm - kids - by Jane M (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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