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OptimusVader

Offline (the 09/13/2014 at 4:25pm) | Search for a member

OptimusVader

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 18 January 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2340
  • Number of comments : 139
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About OptimusVader : I'm secretly a Jedi as well as a Pokemon Master. Some day I shall rule over the entire world, but I will be fair and just. :)

OptimusVader's page activity

Visits<b>zenkuru</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 6:11pm<b>tampabayfan</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 10:12pm<b>wolfgold2</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 9:02pm<b>omgpp</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 8:12am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 12:35pm<b>Rhett_15</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 11:25pm<b>battlehamster</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 3:33am<b>wopchop12</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 12:31pm<b>Adeptasaurus</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 11:42am<b>Lykaios_Avery</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 10:20pm<b>oxythemoron</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 7:34pm<b>Mexico_WC2018</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 3:18am<b>ceelos97</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 3:16am<b>ukeandfoodislife</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 1:15pm<b>Catkam623</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 1:47am<b>leopardwilliam</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 6:43pm<b>Mornai</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 3:54pm<b>mahovalia</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 2:04pm

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100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

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OptimusVader's favorite FMLs

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

#21007355
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44996) - you deserved it (5114)

On 12/27/2013 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Jamaica (Saint Andrew)

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

#21006112
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37283) - you deserved it (5201)

On 12/26/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

#20999459
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53070) - you deserved it (7915)

On 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by zamwow (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

#20998821
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39035) - you deserved it (4383)

On 12/20/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by whatjusthappened (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

#20993307
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42598) - you deserved it (6200)

On 12/15/2013 at 11:58am - animals - by Cat Piss - United States (Texas)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47933) - you deserved it (8900)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my boss found out that my girlfriend dumped me. He asked if that meant she would no longer bring her delicious homemade cookies to the office. When I said yes, he fired me on the spot. FML

#20990683
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47069) - you deserved it (2982)

On 12/12/2013 at 10:08pm - work - by justin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML

#20989013
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49117) - you deserved it (4741)

On 12/11/2013 at 3:14pm - intimacy - by ElephantLover (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

#20986609
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43458) - you deserved it (7008)

On 12/09/2013 at 5:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

#20985559
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48394) - you deserved it (4572)

On 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by mistletoe (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML

#20985281
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52997) - you deserved it (2928)

On 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm - kids - by OakStake (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

#20982904
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48404) - you deserved it (8049)

On 12/06/2013 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by fuckadaisical (woman) - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, upon hearing of the death of Nelson Mandela, I posted a link on Facebook to the South African children's hospital in his name and donated. I was completely ignored whilst my newsfeed became clogged by my middle-class friends with "RIP Nelson Mandela" and photos of Morgan Freeman. FML

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

#20981063
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44890) - you deserved it (5565)

On 12/04/2013 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by KarateKid76 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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