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OptimusVader

Offline (the 09/13/2014 at 4:25pm) | Search for a member

OptimusVader

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 18 January 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3012
  • Number of comments : 139
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About OptimusVader : I'm secretly a Jedi as well as a Pokemon Master. Some day I shall rule over the entire world, but I will be fair and just. :)

OptimusVader's page activity

Visits<b>hardesty</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 8:29pm<b>explodedtaco</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 10:13am<b>suckmideck</b> - the 11/25/2014 at 10:33am<b>Ashd09</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 9:53pm<b>dustydick</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 2:25pm<b>Shiny_nickels</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 11:58pm<b>zenkuru</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 6:11pm<b>tampabayfan</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 10:12pm<b>wolfgold2</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 9:02pm<b>omgpp</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 8:12am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 12:35pm<b>Rhett_15</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 11:25pm<b>battlehamster</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 3:33am<b>wopchop12</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 12:31pm<b>Adeptasaurus</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 11:42am<b>Lykaios_Avery</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 10:20pm<b>oxythemoron</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 7:34pm<b>Mexico_WC2018</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 3:18am

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100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

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OptimusVader's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

#21251173
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34235) - you deserved it (4529)

On 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48470) - you deserved it (8857)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42131) - you deserved it (5973)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, my idiot son tried to get a veteran's discount at American Eagle because he's "a fifth prestige" on Call of Duty. FML

#21233179
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42199) - you deserved it (6134)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:31am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40105) - you deserved it (4524)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

#21207695
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58121) - you deserved it (7224)

On 07/13/2014 at 3:46am - intimacy - by NoSexForMe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

#21167190
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57531) - you deserved it (6931)

On 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by 404: sense not found (man) - United States (California)

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

#21154464
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46709) - you deserved it (5603)

On 05/28/2014 at 10:21am - love - by needanotherbed - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

#21153496
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47932) - you deserved it (5029)

On 05/27/2014 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mother asked me why I disliked her and my father's nakedness in the family pool. FML

#21129038
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38682) - you deserved it (3255)

On 05/02/2014 at 7:03pm - misc - by nopleasestopmother (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh". Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though". FML

#21128889
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41082) - you deserved it (3993)

On 05/02/2014 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to drive to India. Thinking he meant Indiana, I said sure, knowing I have friends there. He said, "Bangladesh, India, here we come!" He was serious. FML

#21128139
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36778) - you deserved it (6590)

On 05/01/2014 at 5:29pm - misc - by GAGirl1 (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML

#21127421
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44086) - you deserved it (6220)

On 04/30/2014 at 7:40pm - intimacy - by FMBs (man) - Puerto Rico



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