OptimusVader

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Offline (the 09/13/2014 at 4:25pm)

OptimusVader

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 18 January 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6168
  • Number of comments : 139
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About OptimusVader : I'm secretly a Jedi as well as a Pokemon Master. Some day I shall rule over the entire world, but I will be fair and just. :)

OptimusVader's page activity

Visits<b>billboob</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 5:21pm<b>maxthebigseal</b> - the 06/19/2016 at 4:04pm<b>humorousname</b> - the 05/11/2016 at 8:00pm<b>bolee997</b> - the 05/09/2016 at 1:21am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 03/10/2016 at 1:47pm<b>junjunbun</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 5:05pm<b>foampositedaddy</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 9:55pm<b>FreshDonuts</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:37am<b>jamaarlove</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 7:07pm<b>crazycatlady89</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 11:08pm<b>catlover5299</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 10:30pm<b>goodvsevil1275</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 5:59pm<b>thedukutree123</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 1:32am<b>a816090</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 9:53pm<b>constipation</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 9:04pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 9:22pm<b>PrincessKenny</b> - the 10/16/2015 at 1:08am<b>ThatOneChick856</b> - the 10/15/2015 at 10:29pm

Fucked!<b>billboob</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 11:22pm<b>lemonadestand</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 11:35pm<b>sayam2002</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 11:11pm<b>One_Way</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 3:56pm

OptimusVader's FML badges

Checking you out

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Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of OptimusVader's badges

OptimusVader's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

by humdrummitydrum / 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm / United States / Health

Today, my idiot son tried to get a veteran's discount at American Eagle because he's "a fifth prestige" on Call of Duty. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 9:31am / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

by Emliy / 08/01/2014 at 1:06am / United States (Illinois) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

by NoSexForMe / 07/13/2014 at 3:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, thanks to an efficient diet, I reached my target weight. Unfortunately, my chest has disappeared. My boyfriend suggested we have a funeral for my bras. FML

by BrefODM / 06/12/2014 at 11:15pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

by 404: sense not found / 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

by needanotherbed / 05/28/2014 at 10:21am / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Love

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2014 at 3:26pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother asked me why I disliked her and my father's nakedness in the family pool. FML

by nopleasestopmother / 05/02/2014 at 7:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh". Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though". FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2014 at 3:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to drive to India. Thinking he meant Indiana, I said sure, knowing I have friends there. He said, "Bangladesh, India, here we come!" He was serious. FML

by GAGirl1 / 05/01/2014 at 5:29pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML

by FMBs / 04/30/2014 at 7:40pm / Puerto Rico / Intimacy