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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3630
  • Number of comments : 130
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About OnlyAvailableID : Butts.

OnlyAvailableID's page activity

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OnlyAvailableID's favorite FMLs

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

#21078597
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63913) - you deserved it (5053)

On 03/05/2014 at 7:33am - health - by rolypoly (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I told my husband to give our dog a bath while I was at work. When I returned home, I found my dog, along with my husband, in the bath together. FML

#21074688
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40246) - you deserved it (9322)

On 03/01/2014 at 3:23am - animals - by lacy - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was doing a science presentation about glucose. There was around 20 judges at the event who could've judged me, but instead I got judged by the only person in the whole entire world who doesn't know what glucose is and doesn't think it exists. FML

#21066140
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41942) - you deserved it (3020)

On 02/20/2014 at 12:27am - work - by anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, a customer at work pronounced the word "Asian" as "Ah-See-Awn" when ordering a salad. I wasn't allowed to say anything. FML

#21065187
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34503) - you deserved it (3837)

On 02/19/2014 at 1:24am - work - by PaneraSucks - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, a woman pushed a stroller in front of my car. Thinking I'd hit someone, I jumped out. Turns out it was a doll. The "woman" was a 14-year-old girl, claiming, "I did it for the Vine!" FML

#21058421
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49862) - you deserved it (3928)

On 02/12/2014 at 7:52pm - misc - by Parusu - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

#21012409
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47527) - you deserved it (11150)

On 01/01/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by Lonesome (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML

#21008430
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40228) - you deserved it (9578)

On 12/28/2013 at 4:19pm - health - by beemove (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my mom isn't coming to see me for Christmas. Instead she'll be spending it in jail for a DUI and battery. Thank you to my cocklick of an aunt for taking a recovering alcoholic to a bar and pressuring her into relapse. FML

#21003791
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44063) - you deserved it (2880)

On 12/24/2013 at 3:48pm - misc - by jhulich (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my mother was reading an annual Christmas letter from an old university friend. When she remarked that she could have married him instead of my father, I replied that she wouldn't have had me then. She then said, "Exactly, I could have had his daughter instead." FML

#21002184
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43345) - you deserved it (3611)

On 12/23/2013 at 5:44am - kids - by rejected (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I realized how bad my depression has gotten when I caught myself fantasizing about suicide while having sex with my husband. FML

#20994372
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53795) - you deserved it (6473)

On 12/16/2013 at 2:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my mom got pissed off at my doctor and called him a quack. She did this because he reassured her that I don't show any signs of the mental retardation that she's convinced herself I must have. FML

#20993646
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44319) - you deserved it (2906)

On 12/15/2013 at 4:48pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Croatia (Licko-Senjska)

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML

#20991949
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37301) - you deserved it (9940)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:38am - misc - by The_Rest_of_the_Story (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boss found out that my girlfriend dumped me. He asked if that meant she would no longer bring her delicious homemade cookies to the office. When I said yes, he fired me on the spot. FML

#20990683
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47017) - you deserved it (2980)

On 12/12/2013 at 10:08pm - work - by justin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while on my way to work, an elderly woman complimented me on my breast cancer scarf. I explained that my grandmother made one for all her female grandchildren before passing away two years ago. The woman then went psycho and almost strangled me in an attempt to steal it. FML

Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML

#20988723
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38193) - you deserved it (2440)

On 12/11/2013 at 6:58am - misc - by a.white - United States (Pennsylvania)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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